I didn't think it would be so hard to say goodbye...

This actually happened a few months ago. I hadn't told anyone because I dared not to believe it. But here it is.

I finished my book.

Its so weird. I had lived with these characters for over three years and now its done. The day I had finished, I nearly cried because I had nothing new to add to their stories. Of course, I'll edit them, but I will add nothing completely new. My journey with these characters is over, and its hard to say good bye to them.

So, it's sitting in my computer, this great accomplishment of mine...and I'm happy that for the moment, they're my characters. No one owns them yet, and they are pure creations borne from my odd imagination.

And now, I have to say good bye to them. Move on. I don't know what will happen to them next...but I need to move on to new characters, new story line, new ways to express the creativity that is itching to be freed from this crazy brain of mine.

I had worked for so long for this moment and now that its here, I am having a hard time letting it go.

I've got my own voice...so how can I help but to shout and rejoice?

A Stunning Revelation on a Completely Random Phrase

Here's a telling conversation.

Friend: I think you're making a mistake.
Me: [laughing.] You know, everyone seems to think so no matter what I say or do.
Friend: [feeling bad as he realizes the flippancy of his answer] I didn't mean--
Me: [still laughing.] I know what you meant. It's ok. It's just an interesting observation. I just think its funny that it's come up a lot lately.
Friend: I didn't mean to make you feel bad.
Me: [STILL laughing] I know. I know. Its just what do you expect me to do when you tell me something like that?
Friend: [thinks about it. starts laughing.] I don't know. I guess it was supposed to change your mind.
Me: Has it ever worked?
Friend: [shrugs.] Come to think of it, I don't think it ever has.

As of late, I am very amused at this phrase. Regarding the same issue, no matter what I had chosen to do, everyone seems to have their opinion (to which they are absolutely entitled) which is best articulated by the same careless phrase: "I think you're making a mistake."

No wonder people think they're always doing something wrong.

I suppose the conversation I had earlier this morning gave me further proof that we will always disappoint someone, and we shouldn't waste time thinking about what everyone else will think of us. The truth is, I know people care about what I decide to do, but I find a lot of guilt and shame in that phrase, despite people's best intentions. Careless words are what make up that phrase. And I think the world could use less of them.

Odds are, I probably was making a mistake. I make them every day. I don't need to be reminded of it. But its funny how we share these opinions out of the goodness of our hearts, but at the same time, break the hearts we had set out to protect.

Humans are funny that way, I suppose.

Now don't get me wrong. I think the phrase is completely useable and useful when sought after. If someone asked me if I thought they were making a mistake and I found out they really wanted to know my answer, then I would tell them the truth. And I expect the same from the people I ask. But I hope that I would try to refrain from throwing that phrase around unsolicited.

People are entitled to their opinions. It would be stupid of me to ignore that. But I hope that we all learn the difference between sharing opinions and empty speech.

So my question to all is this: which careless phrase (regardless of the person's intentions) bugs you the most?

Currently watching : Serenity (Collector’s Edition)

At which point will someone's brain just implode?

I am frustrated.

Lately, I've been feeling a lot of pressure. Job, family, friends, church, money...it's all just a big mess. I feel so much pressure, that I know at some point I am going to boil over, burst, and blow up. Really.
Sigh. I miss Vegas.

I don't know when I started caring about what other people thought of me. Or rather, I don't know when I let it bother me as much as it has been lately. I am pretty much resigned to feeling invisible, but when did people start acting like my mother? I wish people would just talk to me about me instead of assuming that I will go along with anything they throw at me. I am pretty easy going when it comes to changing of plans and such, but that does not mean that i doesn't hurt my feelings when people just change things on me without talking to me. Yes, I'll go along with it, but give me the courtesy of talking to me like a human being instead of a workhorse. My name is Abby. Not BooBoo, not Abbage Cabbage, not that-chick-who-always-is-there-and-knows-what-is-going-on. I am not a fill-in girl. I do am not a place holder until you finally find the "real" person who you need to fill in that spot I am occupying. I am not the crazy sociology undergrad who is driven by politics. Sure, I am all of those things, but I am Abby. Sure, I don't share my feelings with everyone at a drop of a hat. I don't have indepth conversations after a cordial hello every Sunday morning or when you finally see me. I will share with people when I feel like its worth sharing. Just because I don't share doesn't mean I don't feel.

And right now, I'm feeling angry.

That isn't an invitation to "talk it out" or find out the reason why. I'm just angry. I'm not going to do anything drastic (past this blog) but I am angry. I'm not sad, and I will be happy. Don't worry about my joy. I have many things that make me happy, and I enjoy life. But at this very moment, I am angry. And hopeful that my saying that will just let people know that I am capable of feeling something. Of all the things I listed above, I am NOT a problem to be fixed or an issue to be addressed or an emotional wreck that is too much to be handled or ignored.

Where did this all come from? Well, my feelings have been hurt many times throughout the past couple of months. And I am sick of people who nonchalantly ask me how I am doing and expect a full answer. I don't work like that, so don't expect me to. Why don't I tell people? I don't know. I have my reasons, and believe me they don't have anything to do with anyone. It's me. But when I get it figured out, I'll tell you when I feel safe. And for the moment, I don't feel safe. So, don't fault me for that. So for the time being...here is my answer:

I am angry because my feelings are hurt and I don't know how to fix it.

Oh...and I miss Vegas.

What I found out when I got home from vacation...

It's like they knew that I was coming home...

Proverbs 29:12--If a ruler listens to lies, all his officials become wicked.
and...my favorite verse regarding my thoughts on government (ours and in general):

Psalm 118:8-9--It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes.

Abby's political thought for the day...try not to get caught up in the hype. Pray instead. Our government may be disappointing and heartbreaking and at times wonderful examples of the human endeavor...but don't forget that God is bigger.

Vegas, Baby!

Well...I just got back from Vegas. And all I have to say is this...I love my sister and my cousins. Very much. You're all beautiful to me.

And yes...my feet still hurt. Someday, I'll get the feeling back in my little toe on my right foot. I'm almost sure of it.

Currently listening : Hairspray (Soundtrack to the Motion Picture) By Marc Shaiman

You know its bad when I side with...

...Leonardo DiCaprio.

I was reading the celebrity gossip off of imdb.com and found myself reading about Leonardo DiCaprio's thoughts on the presidential candidates. DiCaprio is waiting to hear specifically about the candidate's thoughts on the environmental lobby. Basically no one has caught his eye yet, and he is waiting to be "inspired." According to the article, he said:

"I'm waiting for the right questions to be asked, and these candidates to give really clear responses to what they're going to do in a tangible way-not a lot of rhetoric. I want to hear hardcore facts."

Although I don't believe that the hype is going away, I like what DiCaprio is doing. He's actually doing what I advise people to do with elections. Pick a singular issue that is important to you and research on what the candidates are actually saying about that particular issue. You'll know who you would vote for if you know what their platform is on the one thing that truly means something to you. You don't have to agree with everything...if you vote like that, you'll always be disappointed. We can get caught up in rhetoric and hype--and it's hard not to--but if you are waiting on an answer on a specific issue, you'll know it when a candidate strikes a chord with you.

Trust me, it will happen. It may not tomorrow...but hey...we've got 15 months.

Ok...now I'm done. Really.

Currently watching : Wordplay

No...I'm not gonna...

...I'm not going to...I promised.

Sigh. There's been some spin on the presidential candidates as of late. The CNN/Youtube debate, Mitt Romney's sons going on to campaign for their father, The Clinton/Obama sparring, the latest republican superdebate....Iowa, New Hampshire, back to Iowa again...

Last time I checked, this is not a presidential election year.
I made a pledge not to talk about it. I really did. I won't talk about it until January 2008, the actual presidential election year.

Then I read this article from Reuters. Apparently, South Carolina moved up its primary election to January 19th. In response, New Hampshire (who has the earliest primary election) may move its primary election date to January 8th. Which, in turn, pushes the candidates to do their frenzied monkey dances at a hurried pace, at an earlier time.

Wait...I said I wasn't going to do it....

Ok. Back to my rant. Why should I care?

I really don't. Except to say that for the next couple months (and when I say a couple, I mean like 15 months) we are going to be bombarded by campaign promises and policies. I'm already tired of hearing about it, and we've got 15 months to go. I hope by the end of the campaigning, people will learn to think for themselves, and stop listening to political spin and ignore the dance of the pundit. I hope they can look forward for America five years down the road and not just the lesser of two evils for the moment. But of all the things people do by the end of this campaign, I just hope they remember to vote.

Did I mention this is going to last for about 15 months?