Traveling Library

This post is for Sara. I love you, my beautiful friend!

My grandfather collects books. He used to receive books from everywhere, but the ones I loved most were the leather bound books from the Easton Press. They were mostly books written by literary greats and philosophers. As a child, I ran my fingers long the covers of those books, longing for the day when I could be old enough to read them. The first one I read from that collection was Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.

I loved it.

Growing up, I picked up my grandfather's habit of collecting books. I had a library of my own as a child, but when I became too old to read those books, they were donated to the Fairwood Public Library. Since then, I had accumulated a lot of books to add to my ever-growing library.

Apparently, some of those books never make it out of the car.

When I was cleaning my car for my carpool to BSF one Monday night, I discovered a collection of books. I was known for keeping pairs of shoes in my car, but I never realized I was building a mobile library as well.

So, Sara (and for those interested), here is the list of books I found in my car. Let me know if any of these are books I had borrowed from you...otherwise, you may never get it back!

1. The Great Divorce, CS Lewis

2. The Story of Painting, Sister Wendy Beckett

3. Jesus Wants to Save Christians, Rob Bell

4. Desiring God, John Piper

5. The Measure of a Man, Sidney Poitier

6. The Republic, Plato

7. The Last Undercover: The True Story of an FBI Agent's Dangerous Dance with Evil, Bob Hamer

8. Waking the Dead, John Eldredge

9. Spiritual Leadership: Moving People on to God's Agenda, Henry & Richard Blackaby

10. The Pilgrim's Progress, John Bunyan

11. Six American Poets: An Anthology, Edited by Joel Conarroe

12. The Hour I First Believed, Wally Lamb

Yes, I am a nerd.

Proof

Every once in awhile, I read plays for fun.

I enjoy reading plays. They're comparable to a short story; minimal words in a specific time frame to express deep ideas, big themes, and intense character development. I love the plays that have small cast and usually one set. Usually you can read a play once over in one sitting and then read it many times through to get the little details you didn't pick up the first time. And you probably couldn't tell from the way that I write, but I enjoy minimalist plays over Shakespeare. I love Pinter, Stoppard and Mamet.

If you ever get a chance, read a play.

The one that I picked up during my "vacation" was by a playwright that I had not heard before: David Auburn. He had won a Pulitzer for his play, "Proof" (which by the way, is a movie...based on this play). The first time I read through it, I was intrigued by the use of flashback (oh, LOST) and how I identified with the main character Catherine.

The second time I read through the play in its entirety, I was nearly in tears. I guess there is something about watching a person struggle to prove their potential and worth in the face of adversity. I root for those characters, and hope that they can find a way to prove that they are more than what others believe they will become.

Reading is Good For You

During my time off work (and everything else) I like to read.

Yesterday, I finished Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell. And now I'm ruined. My mind is completely ruined with all these new thoughts that I'm testing and finding out if it is true. And I love it. I love reading books that make me think and wonder and ponder and consider and test and enjoy and feel. I even like the books that frustrate me. I also love the books that I end up throwing across the room.

Sidenote: Attempt to read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. It's not about Zen (although it's in there) and motorcycle maintenance (although it's in there, too). Technically, it's a book about philosophy. It will frustrate you. But if you can read it; read it for the narrator's journey. It is one of the rare books that once I finished it, I immediately wanted to re-read it to find out what I had missed.

Ok. Back to my story.

And so, this is what is currently messing with my mind:

I found out how much of my efforts were about earning something I already have...Notice how many places in the accounts of Jesus' life he gets furstrated with his disciples. Because they are incapable? No, because of how capable they are. He sees what they could be and could do and when they fall short it provokes him to no end. It isn't their failure that's the problem, it's their greatness. They don't realize what they are capable of...God has an incredibly high view of people. God believes that people are capable of amazing things...the rabbi thinks we can be like him...The issue then isn't my beating myself up over all the things I am not doing or the things I am doing poorly; the issue is my learning who this person is who God keeps insisting I already am.
--Rob Bell, "Velvet Elvis."

This messes with me; this concept that I am already the more than what I have become. God already knows who he created me to be, even if I don't see it or believe it. He sees it. I only see flaws, but God sees so much more than that. To him, through the blood of Christ, he only sees beauty.

All beautiful you are, my Darling, there is no flaw in you.
--The Lover, Song of Songs 4:7

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
--Paul, 2 Corinthians 5:17

How does this new life happen? How do I stop looking at the flaws and live that abundant life that he knows I can live? How do I live with such grace?

Sometimes my heart is overwhelmed by this grace that I can't comprehend nor contain it. And all that I have to express my gratitude could only be squeezed out in tears of joy and silent awe.

Books are you friends. Reading is good for you.
--Mr. Trampe

Scotland

Apparently, I have a recent fascination with Scotland.

How did it happen? I read a book. Since then, I couldn't keep my mind from wandering into a place that has so much beauty and history and struggle and castles...

...and men with thick accents.

Its been a rough couple of weeks, but Scotland seems as good a place as any to escape. Even if it its in my mind and the books I read.

Books are our friends. Reading is good for you.
--Mr. Trampe

Something Beautiful

"Have I your permission?" said the Angel to the Ghost.
"I know it will kill me."
"It won't. But supposing it did?"
"You're right. It would be better to be dead than to live with this creature."
"Than I may?"
"Damn and blast you! Go on can't you? Get it over. Do what you like," bellowed the Ghost: but ended, whimpering, "God help me. God help me."
Next moment the Ghost gave a scream of agony such I never heard on Earth. The Burning One closed his crimson grip on the reptile: twisted it, while it bit and writhed, and then flung it, broken backed, on the turf...
"Nothing, not even the best and the noblest, can go on as it now is..."
--C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce

I haven't slept in three days.

Which, apparently, is the only way to make me cry.

I kept saying, "I obeyed the Lord. Albeit a little late, but I did obey. Why this torment? Why am I still struggling with something that means nothing to me?"

Apparently, obedience often opens doors for a major spiritual attack. Nothing makes the Evil One more angry than a Child of God falling more in love with her Father and wanting to do more to please Him.

And so, the evil one played his dirty tricks. He twisted the thorn in my side to make me curse God. And God allowed it, not to torment me, but because he was creating something beautiful.

In the story above, the reptile turns into a stallion and the man into a glorious soldier. He let go of the reptile and let it be killed; not knowing what would happen, only knowing that something had to be better than how he was living now. He can no longer stand to be tempted by the creature he had treated as a pet. The reptile turned into something beautiful, and the man found himself also changed.

The reptile was a metaphor for lust, but we all have our tormentors. Even if we don't know what they look like. I have ignored mine for so long, but now, I can't. It was revealed in a beautiful conversation with someone God used to show me love and comfort. (Thank you, my friend. You are beautiful to me.) Now that I know this reptile's name, will I let it die? Will I cry out to God for help?

Hosanna. You are the God that saves us.

Although it is not promised, my hope is that He will create something beautiful, and perhaps, I, too, will be changed.

He has to come through. He hasn't yet, but I have to believe that he has to come through in this area that I had not let anyone touch.

The one who calls you is faithful and will do it. --Paul, 1 Thessalonians, 5:14.

Of course I am still hurting, but we're not done. Not yet. And that is a very good thing.

Struggling with a Sure Thing

You'll never be a better kind if you don't leave the world behind.
--Weezer, "Keep Fishin'"

Right now, I'm watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the Johnny Depp version)...and apparently listening to Weezer.

As most of you know, my very first chapter book was a hardcover edition of Roald Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It was a well loved book--despite the scary illustrations from the original illustrator. (Believe me, the new editions now available in bookstores pale in comparison). My copy is still on my bookshelf.

At any rate, I'm watching the scene that is not part of the original story. In Tim Burton's version, Charlie, after a once-in-a-lifetime visit to the infamous chocolate factory, turns down Willy Wonka's offer to live with him and inherit the factory.

Charlie loved his family so much, that he could not bear to be apart from them, even if it meant having everything he had thought he had wanted. His wildest dreams were about to come true--but without his family, it meant nothing.

In other words, he walked away from a sure thing because other things matter more.

Of course, because this is a children's story, there is a happy ending. Sweet Charlie Bucket wins Willy Wonka's heart and they end up with a shared family and a chocolate factory. Not bad for a young kid with exceptional sense of integrity.

If only integrity was that easy to come by. If only life could be tailored to such happy endings. But it's not always the case. The decision isn't always as easy as they make it in the movies. At times, it is a struggle to obey.

However, I'm convinced that if we forget what really matters, we are likely settle for the sure thing and miss out on the real treasure that awaits us.

We may not always get the chocolate factory on this side of heaven.

Can we surrender our concern for the things that don't matter and live the rest of our lives for the things that do? --Tony Snow

Saturday

The time had finally come. Reading for pleasure doesn't come as often or stay as long as it had my first year at World Vision.

Finally having challenging projects to fill my workload, I have come to this sad realization that I can no longer finish off a book within two days of picking it up.

Sadly, I can't blame this shameful confession on my work:

I'm giving up on Saturday, by Ian McEwan.

First of all, I don't give up on books. I muddle through them, unless the last name happens to be Hemingway. (Sorry to all the fans.) I had really enjoyed Atonement by the same author, but I just can't get through the first part of Saturday.

Like Atonement, I expected the beginning to be slow. But this was excruciatingly, achingly, making my eyes roll to the back of my head slooooooooooow. At one point, someone was watching me stare off into space for three minutes while my hand rested on the same page. My friend also found it hilarious that I am usually found flipping through books quite rapidly, but this one seemed to be permanently stuck on pause.

It might be worth of note that it was my third try.

Sigh. Maybe someday I'll try again.

I just feel awful to give up on a book. And I guess this blog is my sad way of apologizing. :-)

Meeting David Copperfield

On a random turn of events, one of which involving my grandfather and his library collection (of which I covet), I picked up the book David Copperfield, by Charles Dickens. (By the way, if I hear another joke about reading a book about the magician of the same name, I will cry. I really will.)

My run-ins with Charles Dickens were always met with frustration and anxiety. He, for the lack of a better term, was a man of many words. Which, I could not blame him entirely because he was paid per word. I would try to put as many words into my manuscript if someone were to offer the same rate. Also, my first encounter with Mr. Dickens was with the massive and albeit confusing Great Expectations. From that book on, I did not expect too much from the great and revered writer. (Sorry, I had to take the pun.)

Back to my book. So, being tired of not finding anything of note to read in this century, and having exhausted most of my endeavors with Jane Austen and not being able to tackle another tale woven by a Russian literary great, I decided to give Charles Dickens a try. Even though I have a feeling this will take me a while to get through this book, I have observed two things:

1. Charles Dickens has a great command of words. Since he was expected to use so many, I was surprised to find that nearly every single word is carefully picked. No one can string together a sentence like Charles Dickens.

2. Anything I had said before about Charles Dickens I take back. In other words, I was wrong.

I know, I know. Don't worry, I won't let it get to my head. :)

Currently reading : David Copperfield (Modern Library Classics) By Charles Dickens

A Long Way Gone

I know it was sold at Starbucks, but don't hold it against this great book.

It took me less than a day (did I mention that I was sick the past couple of days?) but I read this moving book A Long Way Gone, by Ishmael Beah. It is a tough subject, but the way he writes makes it a pretty "easy" read. There are horrific parts where it makes you sick and sad and angry and hopeful at the same time.

I've written about books on this blog before, but this one I urge you to read. Borrow my copy if you would like. Read the book. Then pray for our world, with each countries' unique struggles and strife. And then pray for hope.

And then share hope with someone else.

Ok. Soap box is over.

Wait...no. One more thing: Books are our friends, reading is good for you. Thanks, Mr. Trampe. :)

Currently reading : A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier By Ishmael Beah

Inspiring Perspective

Here's another book report.

I just finished God's Politics, by Jim Wallis. Great book. Although there are dry parts and segments where I wonder: "did he really have to share something he had already written once before?", I found myself inspired by this man's perspective.

Despite what most people think, this book does not describes what the Right is doing wrong or what the Left fails to do and what God thinks of either of those parties. This book, as a whole, is not even anti-government. This book, for a lack for a better term, does not dwell on what Jesus would do.

So what does this book do?

Well...a lot of things. But what I like most about it is how he talks about the poor. And what I realize, more than ever, is how the poor has truly dropped out of the national debate. This is a sad state of affairs since the poor makes up a large part of America as well as the most underrepresented group in America. So what now shall we do?

Start talking. Just because the government isn't, doesn't mean we shouldn't. And you never know...as the last line of the book states:

We are the ones we are waiting for.

Tragic Obsession

I finally finished The Final Days by Woodward and Bernstein last night. And yes, Nixon still resigned and the country went on a little more cynical and a little more broken.

I know my political obsession is at an all time high, but bear with me.

Why did I find Nixon and Watergate so interesting these past few months? It started out with...well, The West Wing (but that's another post) but it grew with the fact that I had absolutely no idea what the Watergate scandal really was. I could pretend enough to carry a conversation, but I had no idea what happened. I knew there was a hotel. There was robbery. There was a cover up. And...then
Nixon resigned.

I read All the President's Men last summer and finished late fall. I could have left it at that, feel like rest of the country (in the late 70's) and feel duped by my government and my nation's leader.

But anyone who knows me knew that I couldn't leave it like that.

The Final Days is about the last days of the Nixon Administration. And the central tragic figure is Nixon. I actually felt for the broken man who also had to lead this country. He was a horrible politician...meaning he wasn't a very good one. He was attempting to unite the world in peace amid a botched war, the threat of communism, and a failing foreign policy. Was he a good man? Was he a bad man? According to the book, no one knew--especially Nixon. This man, this tragic figure forever blotched in our nation's history, was overcome by his circumstances, from which he could never recover.

The first book--the more famous one of the two--made me untrusting of the man who was the President. The second book made me see him as the man struggling to be a President.

One more note about Nixon. I don't think people realize how close we could have come to a coup d'etat. I won't question as to why it never happened, but the end of the Nixon Administration was a demonstration of our government's system. And I'm not sure if we are better or worse because of it.
Currently reading : The White House Tapes: Eavesdropping on the President: A Book-and-CD Set By John Prados