Temptation Aisle

I miss Dreyer's ice cream.

Growing up, there was always a carton of Dreyer's in the freezer. The main staples? Cookies and Cream, Mint Chocolate Chip, and the fall back French Vanilla.

Sigh...the good old days.

With Memorial Day around the corner, ready to rush in the unofficial beginning of summer vacation, ice cream sales are popping up everywhere. It's a beautiful thing.

Talk about temptation. So, I'm walking down the freezer aisle and this fabulous sale on Dreyer's ice cream calls to me. Sadly, Dreyers ice cream only means death for my throat. (For some odd reason, I have an allergic reaction to Dreyer's ice cream). I stare and drool as I examine the new colors, new experimental flavors...it was like staring at a freshly opened box of new Crayola crayons. I didn't know ice cream could come in so many combinations...

Silly Dreyers with its innovative marketing department.

I want to try them all...but I can't. And I think that the store would frown upon me opening each carton Dreyers just to smell it.

Supermarket Guy: Umm...you can't open those.
Me: [too lost in enjoyable euphoria] I'll put them back.
Supermarket Guy: Uh...you have a little drool.

Not wanting to be banned from the ice cream aisle, I give in and settle for a Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia.

But I must confess, nothing compares to a scoop of Dreyer's Cookies and Cream.

Le sigh.

Currently reading : Praise Habit: Finding God In Sunsets And Sushi By David A. Crowder

Something Face

Person 1: Nothing's wrong.
Person 2: That's not nothing. You've got something face.

Depending on how well and how long people have known me, people know that when I am angry, I am pretty vocal about it...usually in the form of a long rant peppered with sarcastic jokes. And you will also know that if I am REALLY angry, I get very...very...quiet.

My Starbucks partners knew that rule fairly quickly...because I was quiet...a lot. (I am mostly thinking.) And people at my other job are realizing this sad fact about me fairly slowly because...well...I'm not angry. However, this past week has been a huge test on my selfish desire to be heard. As a result of my ever rapidly growing frustration, I got quieter and offered nothing more than a simple answer to the question and rarely commented or asked a question.

Which, I'm finding out, only makes people nervous.

I don't know why people want me to say something when I have nothing to say. I process a lot, and I try to think about what I am about to say. I try not to say something unless it is something of worth or that will help someone. I try not to fill the space with words that don't mean a thing. I don't always succeed, but I do try.

I guess I always thought of myself who may not always have something to say, but when I do...I try to make it count.

For the past week, I've had to hold in my biting comments regarding two scenarios: 1. When people try to prompt me to say something for the sake of saying something and 2. When people interrupt me to either add to my comment or say it for me just when I had finally decided to say something.

Grr. Argh.

I don't understand. If it bothers you if I don't speak, why do you stop me when I do?

GRR! ARGH!

Oh well. I don't need to burn bridges right now because of my selfish pride. I just wish I could find some way to ask people to not assume that my silence is out of boredom or because I have nothing to say. The sad thing is, I'm hardly bored because I'm always thinking about something and I always have something to say...but I have my reasons (not always the right ones) when I refuse to share.

But if anyone really knew me, they'd know that there is always something going on in my head.

I have something face.

Currently watching : The X-Files - The Complete Seventh Season (Slim Set)

Sounds like...bees

So...there's this gnat in my ear.

Actually, it's not so much as a gnat, but a constant hum.

Yes, my friends, one of my co-workers hums during the down time. And it wouldn't be so bad--in fact, she has a nice voice--but she doesn't stop unless she's on a call.

And of course, one of my biggest pet peeves is music outside of my frame of reference.

Grr. Argh.

Currently listening : MTV Unplugged in New York (Nirvana) By Nirvana

Missing Notes

Somewhere along my whole "jumping over the moon" timeline, I realized that there was a part of my story that I was missing. I had avoided it for so long, but I couldn't bring myself to writing it.

Saying it makes it real.

Obviously, not everything in the story I've been writing is real. But the more time I've dedicated to this book, the more I realize that it has turned from "just this thing I did" into another expression of myself. Typically, in heightened moments of emotion, I play the piano; pounding out all my unexpressed feelings (yes, I have feelings) until it came out in the form of notes and chords and strange melodies. Who knew that 88 black and white keys could offer so much freedom?

I tried looking for a piano, but I found none with which I could let myself be free. I have become too apprehensive during my time without playing, and I end up sitting at the piano bench reminiscing of an easier time when the music came naturally to me. I used to be so good, at least that's what I remember. And now I can barely put together an entire song. It saddens me, to a large extent, and I wonder if I had passed my prime and had been far too long since I had reached my musical peak. The piano, this wooden box, no longer offered a refuge for me.

My life sans piano has been a struggle. Without the music, the only way I express myself is through writing. And I think I've avoided it for far too long. I know what I have to write, and I find myself afraid of the truth it may reveal. What happened doesn't bother me any more. Telling the story does. And I struggle through this exercise in hopes that maybe when I tell my story I wouldn't only be retelling it...

...and not reliving it.

It was easier with the piano.

Currently watching : The X-Files - The Complete Fourth Season (Slim Set)

A Long Way Gone

I know it was sold at Starbucks, but don't hold it against this great book.

It took me less than a day (did I mention that I was sick the past couple of days?) but I read this moving book A Long Way Gone, by Ishmael Beah. It is a tough subject, but the way he writes makes it a pretty "easy" read. There are horrific parts where it makes you sick and sad and angry and hopeful at the same time.

I've written about books on this blog before, but this one I urge you to read. Borrow my copy if you would like. Read the book. Then pray for our world, with each countries' unique struggles and strife. And then pray for hope.

And then share hope with someone else.

Ok. Soap box is over.

Wait...no. One more thing: Books are our friends, reading is good for you. Thanks, Mr. Trampe. :)

Currently reading : A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier By Ishmael Beah

Apollo 8 and Apollo 10

Le sigh.

That's all the French I have at the moment. And I am nowhere near finishing the book.

So close, and yet so far. Jumping over the moon is harder for these two rounds, but it's all right. I'll set another goal again. It's not over.

Besides, man didn't land on the moon until Apollo 11, almost a decade after JFK declared that America was going to win the space race by landing on the moon before anyone else. in 1968, Apollo 8 was the first successful trip from the earth to the moon and back, and Apollo 10 was only 14 KM away from the moon before it had to return to earth.

It may take a couple trips around the moon, but the trip is half the fun.

Currently watching : The X-Files - The Complete Third Season (Slim Set)

A Bunch of Not Fully Developed Thoughts

I apologize in advance for this random blog. My mind has been all over the place.
All right. The short lived Scrubs obsession has passed; only to open the door to a favorite obsession of mine...

Oh David Duchovny...why don't you love me?

Yes, the X-Files watching has resumed. And you thought my West Wing fanaticism was bad.
But that is not what this entry is about. As of late, I've been rediscovering what has interested me and captures my mind still. Yes, X-Files is one of them, but moreover, I've had a chance to read a lot lately and have come across some great books--not particularly great writing, but interesting subjects. And with each book, I end up wondering what makes me tick, what inspires me, what I could be passionate about. The list is long and the ideas are lofty. But it makes my heart beat and my blood race.

No, I haven't figured it out. And no, these aren't those "self-help" books. Dr. Phil has yet to grace my bookshelf (which has overflowed to my window sill), but these history and political books can still be inspiring. I don't know what I am passionate about, or what cause most captures my interest. But I know that it will come. In the meantime, I'm discovering what I interested me first.

Before I leave this hodgepodge of an entry, here's a link to another article I read by Ben Stein concerning the state of the union a few months ago...From Ben. Enjoy!

Currently reading : Profiles in Audacity: Great Decisions and How They Were Made By Alan Axelrod