I made it.
Technically, July isn't over, but I made it...barely.
I'm a little rusty with my blog, so...here's another list.
1. I have the best friends in the world. I can't make it without them.
2. LOST nights save me. Go Team Ben!
3. The Disco Students are fantastic. The Sports Camp skit was fantastic because of their talent. May God grow that giftwithin them, and bless their willingness to serve and use that gift to the benefit of others.
4. Sports Camp turned out very well, in every way possible and all ways imaginable. Even in the middle of the heat wave that threatened to keep the kids from coming. Disco Kids are the greatest. Praise God!
5. Throughout my crazy July, I found escape through watching endless episodes of Ace of Cakes and Good Eats. Now I want to decorate cakes and learn how to cook. There are many things I am not good at; and anything to do with the kitchen tops that considerable list.
6. I love my worship teams. Although I miss playing for the 9 AM, my 11 AM team blesses me more than they'll ever know.
7. I am blessed at my job. I thank them for every project they trust me with...I like being challenged.
8. I love my friends at work. They keep me sane.
9. Life without constant coffee isn't so bad. It's easier than I thought it would be.
10. The life I have now is far better than the one I left behind.
At some point, I may delve into what made this July so difficult. But for the moment, I'm focusing on the victories. Sometimes it's holding onto those small victories that help me get through my biggest storms.
Sorry July, you tried to break me. I know you'll probably try again next year, but as of this moment, I can declare that you didn't win. The LORD, my God, carried me through this storm. And He's the only reason why I can keep going.
I am not my own. I've been carried by You all my life.
--Addison Road, "Hope Now."
Friday, July 31, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Pondering on Freedom
I realize that on this Fourth of July, I have not written about politics in awhile.
No worries, this isn't going to be a political blog.
However, I will ponder on the freedom that our American forefathers dreamed about when they declared our nation's independence by signing a piece of paper. Truly, words alone don't make one free, and I am grateful to those who put those thoughts to inspire action in others, and even more grateful to those who gave their lives to preserve a way of life that they themselves would not enjoy.
Whether it was bought by thoughts expressed by ink upon paper, voices that inspire a movement or blood spilled on the ground, freedom comes with a cost.
As I write this, I realize there those who are not able to express their own thoughts. I realize that I am a single woman, and if I had lived somewhere, I may be forced to live a different kind of life because of my social status. I realize that there are places where I would not be allowed to speak, to become educated, to own property, to vote, to form an identity that is not attached to someone else, to worship God, or to have any of the freedoms that I take for granted on a regular basis.
And even if it only comes once a year, I find that it is good to remember the freedoms we enjoy, and to remember those who got us here.
Happy Independence Day, America. May we never take our freedom for granted.
No worries, this isn't going to be a political blog.
However, I will ponder on the freedom that our American forefathers dreamed about when they declared our nation's independence by signing a piece of paper. Truly, words alone don't make one free, and I am grateful to those who put those thoughts to inspire action in others, and even more grateful to those who gave their lives to preserve a way of life that they themselves would not enjoy.
Whether it was bought by thoughts expressed by ink upon paper, voices that inspire a movement or blood spilled on the ground, freedom comes with a cost.
As I write this, I realize there those who are not able to express their own thoughts. I realize that I am a single woman, and if I had lived somewhere, I may be forced to live a different kind of life because of my social status. I realize that there are places where I would not be allowed to speak, to become educated, to own property, to vote, to form an identity that is not attached to someone else, to worship God, or to have any of the freedoms that I take for granted on a regular basis.
And even if it only comes once a year, I find that it is good to remember the freedoms we enjoy, and to remember those who got us here.
Happy Independence Day, America. May we never take our freedom for granted.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Someday
Ooh-oo child, things are gonna get easier. Ooh-oo child, things'll be brighter. Right now you just wait and see how things are gonna be.
--The Five Stairsteps, "Ooh, Child"
It's funny how songs can stick with you.
I have this memory of when I heard this song for the first time. I was about eight years old, playing around with my grandfather's sound system (Shh...don't tell him. I'm under the impression that he doesn't know that I had broken it.) I was arbitrarily pushing buttons and moving the sliders up and down along the board in my curious attempt to figure out how to listen to a record. (Oh, vinyl records, where have you gone?)
I came across a radio station instead and this song came on. And for some reason, it just stuck with me. And for those of you who know what happened to me when I was eight, you can probably understand why.
My experience these past two weeks can be characterized by disappointment and uncertainty of the unknown. Many changes are probable in the horizon, but they haven't happened yet. And the things that are happening are just breaking my heart.
I'm not sure if I can chalk this up to being emotionally exhausted or if God was trying to bring up a memory to inspire me to persevere, but I was in the car a few days ago when this song came on the radio. I was overcome with sorrow and joy. I was a mess of tears and laughter. And in the end, I was confident that I will be fine.
Just you wait and see.
--The Five Stairsteps, "Ooh, Child"
It's funny how songs can stick with you.
I have this memory of when I heard this song for the first time. I was about eight years old, playing around with my grandfather's sound system (Shh...don't tell him. I'm under the impression that he doesn't know that I had broken it.) I was arbitrarily pushing buttons and moving the sliders up and down along the board in my curious attempt to figure out how to listen to a record. (Oh, vinyl records, where have you gone?)
I came across a radio station instead and this song came on. And for some reason, it just stuck with me. And for those of you who know what happened to me when I was eight, you can probably understand why.
My experience these past two weeks can be characterized by disappointment and uncertainty of the unknown. Many changes are probable in the horizon, but they haven't happened yet. And the things that are happening are just breaking my heart.
I'm not sure if I can chalk this up to being emotionally exhausted or if God was trying to bring up a memory to inspire me to persevere, but I was in the car a few days ago when this song came on the radio. I was overcome with sorrow and joy. I was a mess of tears and laughter. And in the end, I was confident that I will be fine.
Just you wait and see.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Not So Bad This Time Around...
Yesterday was Father's Day.
Normally, I would feel a tumble of emotions regarding fathers. Last Thanksgiving, my father was in the hospital with heart failure. He's still alive today, but no more of a father to me than he was when I was 3...or 8...or 13...or 28.
This year, it's a little different. This year, I don't hate him.
I don't love him, but I don't hate him.
It may not be enough to be considered progress. But I hope that's something.
I did, however, celebrate with my grandfather. I love him like I imagine I would love my father. And that's more than enough for me.
I love you, Grandpa. Happy Father's day.
Normally, I would feel a tumble of emotions regarding fathers. Last Thanksgiving, my father was in the hospital with heart failure. He's still alive today, but no more of a father to me than he was when I was 3...or 8...or 13...or 28.
This year, it's a little different. This year, I don't hate him.
I don't love him, but I don't hate him.
It may not be enough to be considered progress. But I hope that's something.
I did, however, celebrate with my grandfather. I love him like I imagine I would love my father. And that's more than enough for me.
I love you, Grandpa. Happy Father's day.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Just Keep Swimmin'
I've been a little disappointed lately.
I guess that happens to everyone from time to time. I happen to be disappointed in specific areas of my life, and it seems like I will never get out of this same rut. However, we are told to keep pressing on. Keep on keepin' on. Hold your head up high and keep walking.
Just keep swimming.
A couple times this week, I have been tempted to give in. To stop doing the last thing I was told to do and take the easier road. I have been tempted to distract myself, to be afraid, to stay isolated. I have been tempted to believe that I am too much, not enough, and nothing at all.
I have to believe that it will not always be this way. I've asked God numerous times if anything will change. The answer I receive is "Yes," but nothing more than that.
Oh, the Unknown, how you vex me.
But I won't give up. I can't. I won't give in because I still have hope. I won't wreck everything now that I've come this far. It can't always be this way, my Father God said so. And that little shred of hope is more than enough to keep me going.
I need a reason for the way things have to be. I need help to build up some kind of hope inside of me. Give me a sign. Let me know you're here. I won't give up if you don't give up.
--Train, "Calling All Angels"
But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
--Paul, Philippians 3:13-14
I guess that happens to everyone from time to time. I happen to be disappointed in specific areas of my life, and it seems like I will never get out of this same rut. However, we are told to keep pressing on. Keep on keepin' on. Hold your head up high and keep walking.
Just keep swimming.
A couple times this week, I have been tempted to give in. To stop doing the last thing I was told to do and take the easier road. I have been tempted to distract myself, to be afraid, to stay isolated. I have been tempted to believe that I am too much, not enough, and nothing at all.
I have to believe that it will not always be this way. I've asked God numerous times if anything will change. The answer I receive is "Yes," but nothing more than that.
Oh, the Unknown, how you vex me.
But I won't give up. I can't. I won't give in because I still have hope. I won't wreck everything now that I've come this far. It can't always be this way, my Father God said so. And that little shred of hope is more than enough to keep me going.
I need a reason for the way things have to be. I need help to build up some kind of hope inside of me. Give me a sign. Let me know you're here. I won't give up if you don't give up.
--Train, "Calling All Angels"
But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
--Paul, Philippians 3:13-14
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Random Distraction
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
--Douglas Adams
Suddenly, I've found myself very busy, drinking too much coffee, and looking forward to my vacation. (How many days until the first week of August?)
It's been ten years since I've graduated high school, and I haven't stopped looking forward to summer vacation. Go figure.
My radio silence doesn't have to do thinking too much. I literally woke up one morning and my entire month of June and July was booked. Sigh.
Since I'm prone to thrive on stress, having my time filled with things isn't unusual for me. But this time around, I have no idea what the end result of these efforts will be, which only frustrates me more. But apparently, we operate on what is unseen.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
--Paul, 2nd Corinthians 4:16-18
I just hope that what I do is toward something that matters.
I don't operate very well with the unknown. But since I can't change that, I must press on and hope that what I do is toward something that matters.
Thank God for LOST nights. You just might keep me sane.
Apparently, I like being distracted. But every now and then, a little random distraction can be a good thing.
--Douglas Adams
Suddenly, I've found myself very busy, drinking too much coffee, and looking forward to my vacation. (How many days until the first week of August?)
It's been ten years since I've graduated high school, and I haven't stopped looking forward to summer vacation. Go figure.
My radio silence doesn't have to do thinking too much. I literally woke up one morning and my entire month of June and July was booked. Sigh.
Since I'm prone to thrive on stress, having my time filled with things isn't unusual for me. But this time around, I have no idea what the end result of these efforts will be, which only frustrates me more. But apparently, we operate on what is unseen.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
--Paul, 2nd Corinthians 4:16-18
I just hope that what I do is toward something that matters.
I don't operate very well with the unknown. But since I can't change that, I must press on and hope that what I do is toward something that matters.
Thank God for LOST nights. You just might keep me sane.
Apparently, I like being distracted. But every now and then, a little random distraction can be a good thing.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
People Who Nap May Be Right
I don't rest very well.
I have this horrible tendency to keep going even though my mind and body is crying out for rest. But truly...how effective are we when we've become so tired?
While I was a barista at Starbucks, the most repeated answer to the question "How are you?" was "I'm tired." (Sidenote: If we're not tired, would we answer that question with, "I'm awake?")
Oddly enough, this came from both sides of the counter. It became commonplace at the modern waterholes of coffee shops where both the barista and the customer admit that they are tired. And they continue on with their day, drinking coffee to keep their exhausted bodies going.
This isn't a diatribe against coffee. We all have something that we do to keep ourselves going. But it is of note to me that being tired on a consistent basis doesn't give people cause to worry. How far we will we push ourselves for things that may or may not matter in the end? Would we have been tired for nothing?
We need to rest. We need to revive our bodies, refresh our minds, and replenish our souls. God created rest for a reason.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke i easy and my burden is light.
--Jesus, Matthew 11:28-30
I have this horrible tendency to keep going even though my mind and body is crying out for rest. But truly...how effective are we when we've become so tired?
While I was a barista at Starbucks, the most repeated answer to the question "How are you?" was "I'm tired." (Sidenote: If we're not tired, would we answer that question with, "I'm awake?")
Oddly enough, this came from both sides of the counter. It became commonplace at the modern waterholes of coffee shops where both the barista and the customer admit that they are tired. And they continue on with their day, drinking coffee to keep their exhausted bodies going.
This isn't a diatribe against coffee. We all have something that we do to keep ourselves going. But it is of note to me that being tired on a consistent basis doesn't give people cause to worry. How far we will we push ourselves for things that may or may not matter in the end? Would we have been tired for nothing?
We need to rest. We need to revive our bodies, refresh our minds, and replenish our souls. God created rest for a reason.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke i easy and my burden is light.
--Jesus, Matthew 11:28-30
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