A brief interruption brought to you by...the Presidential Election

I know that I have been quiet lately regarding the Presidential election. I have no excuse other than I have found nothing of note to comment on that hasn't already been commented on. As it is the Fourth of July, I thought I'd throw my hat in the ring.

Straight Talk and Hope/Change We Can Believe In aside, what this election cycle is showing me is that everyone, regardless of which camp they come from, is essentially saying the same thing. Both sides love America. Both sides want to support us in the issues that concern us most. Both want change, and both believe that it is through the government that it can be achieved. How they achieve those goals is where they mostly differ.

What I have left to say about this Presidential election is this: Diversity is what makes this country unique. Tolerance of that diversity is a freedom we enjoy and should protect. It is admirable if someone can rally a diverse country full of apathetic, yet somewhat opinionated people. It will be historic if someone can unite them.

E pluribus unum. Out of many, one.

Happy Independence Day.

Conversation with Caleb

My church has the greatest kids.

One of the families in my church has two sets of twins. The youngest one, is a five-year old named Caleb. Like his twin brother, Andrew, he likes to run around in the movie theater that our church meets every week, rebelliously running up and down the ramp in the middle of the lobby. I don't know if it was the "heat wave" or the fact that he had been running around for a long time, but Caleb ended up sitting next to me, waiting for his family to be finish socializing.

Now, I don't know many twenty-five year old boys who know how to carry a conversation, let alone a five year old. As with most conversations, it started out with silly questions from me:

Me: Now which one are you? George?
Caleb: I'm not George! I'm Caleb!!
Me: Then [pointing at his brother] he must be George.
Caleb: No. That's Andrew.
Me: Oh. Well, where's George?

He laughed at me and then proceded to tell me the make up of his family. Starting from oldest to youngest. And then he told me about swimming.

At one point, someone came up to talk to me. I turned to answer that person's question, while Caleb waited patiently. Usually, at this time, the kid will run around again, chasing after the elusive donut near the coffee table. However, he waited. When the adult left, I turned to Caleb who picked up right where he left off. He talked more about swimming and then how his dad used to do really cool jumps on his bike and how he wants to be like his father.

Cutest thing ever.

But of course, I turned it back to the silliness.

Caleb: Ms. Kristin had a baby.
Me: I know. Maybe that baby's name is George!
Caleb: No! She had a girl.
Me: Do you know her name?

Caleb shrugs.

Me: What's a good girl's name?

Caleb thinks for a long while. A smile then creeps on his face as he announces proudly:

Caleb: Nicole.
Me: That's a great girl's name.
Caleb: It's the best. Did you know my mom's name is Nicole?
Me: That's right! Now I remember.
Caleb: And mommy is the best Nicole.

It was probably the most precious encounter I have had in a long while. It makes my heart sing to hear children talk about the parents they love. I had the longest week before that Sunday. I was tired and my heart was aching. But it amazes me how that can all change with a child who has so much love for everyone around them.

Thank you Caleb, for being a blessing. I will never call you George again.

Thank you God...you're the best God.

Island People

Last Saturday night, my family celebrated my Aunt Lou's 50th birthday. The first part of the celebration was held at the Crab Pot in Bellevue.

Below is a picture of the kid's table, which was situated off to the side, slightly apart from the room that held the adults.

Please make note what most of us are eating...

Yes. Those are burgers you see in front of most of us. Only Sam and Brieana enjoyed the seafood from the restaurant that specializes in seafood. Based on what we were eating, you would never guess that our family is based on a chain of islands off the coast of Asia.

Hiding from Eden

But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?"

He answered, "I heard you in the garden,

and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."

And he said, "Who told you that you were naked?"

As of late, I have been having nightmares upon nightmares. I don't know what it is, and I haven't watched Good Eats with Alton Brown lately, but I've been having a lot of nightmares. I don't which is worse: my long bouts of insomnia, or restless sleep due to ongoing nightmares of being pursued by mindless killers.

As if I wasn't already afraid.

Yesterday, I ended up having a great, yet uncomfortable conversation with one of my co-workers. Don't get me wrong, it was good, but challenging. And, apparently, something I needed to hear. What came out of that converation was the constant struggle I have about being heard, and the stories that I have kept hidden for so long because I believed that no one wanted to hear them any more. And then she asked me to consider something that would challenge me to use my voice to bring glory to God by speaking of what he has done and is doing in my life as an example to other women. What surprised me was that unlike so many others, she wasn't asking me to share my intelligence or ask my help doing behind-the-scenes work. She was asking me to share my heart and my story. She was asking me to consider putting my vulnerability in public for the use of God's purposes and for his glory.

No one has asked me to do that before. Everyone who has ever heard my story had asked me to keep it inside, hidden, and above all, get over it. And I became ashamed of the story of my life, and I believed that I had nothing to offer anyone, that I had no stories to share, just knowledge.

Then God asked me, "How have you come to hide for so long? Why are you ashamed?"

"Who told you that you were naked?"

Should I remain silent or risk the vulnerability that comes in sharing something so close to my heart? Can God use the little things in my life that seem so trivial to everyone else and bring him glory? Will I ever stop being afraid?

I don't know what my answer will be. I'm still afraid that people will use what I share against me. It happens so often (in fact, it happened three weeks ago...and it still hurts!) that I don't want to do it any more. I've stayed hidden for so long, that its weird that someone was even wondering where I was.

Even if I end up not taking up the challenge, it is of worth to face the lies I had believed, to discover the stories I found shame in, and to find the faith to believe that out of all of that, God can still use it for the good.

Currently reading : Hinds’ Feet on High Places By Hannah Hurnard

My Preoccupation with the Weather(man)

A few days ago, I was chatting with my friend Sara about my recent blogs. Because Sara happens to be one of my best friends, she catches the little things that usually fly under other people's radar. And since she and her husband have pretty much known me the longest, she wins the right of knowing the most about me.

Sidenote: pray for Sara. She's leading a mission team in Liberia for the next couple weeks. I love you, Sara!

Ok. Back to the nonsense.

We chatted about a recent blog I had posted about what I wanted to be when I grow up, and she asks me about my long crush on Weatherman Chris. I told her it was practically over--I mean, we never see each other any more, and...Kirkland is far. She laughs, probably knowing that the crush really never is over.

So, I was at the Y this afternoon, and the local news came on one of the televisions in the cardio room. And there he was. All tan and nerdy as ever, telling me with his goofy, lopsided smile that it was going to be sunny tomorrow, but there is, as always, a chance of rain. I'm not sure of its because I was running a bit harder, or if I was slightly scared that someone would see my sudden flushed face when Chris graced the screen...but my heart raced. He's nerdy as ever, but I apparently love that in men.

Go figure.

I probably won't think about him later, but its nice to be silly every once in awhile. And God knows I really needed to be uplifted from my dark and broody mood. Even if it came in the form of the most random of crushes.

Can You Kill Zombies with Swords?

My sister holds this belief that if you tell someone about a dream, it won't come true. Hence, when you have a nightmare, you better tell everyone.

Here's the one I had last night. It better not come true. :-)

Disclaimer: The last thing I watched before going to sleep was Good Eats with Alton Brown. I don't think there is a connection. And if there is...I don't want to know.

So, last night I had this awful dream. I was in some random hotel that I have no memory of, and apparently, I'm trying to leave. A friend of mine comes to tell me that there are evil people out there and I need to protect myself. He hands me a blunt sword and wishes me luck. He tells me that he will meet me at some vague place, but I somehow know he'll take me to safety.

I walk out with this blunt sword in my hand, and wonder what kind of trouble will await me. Someone walks to me. I don't recognize him, but he is ugly and determined to get to me. I suddenly realize he is not a friend, but someone trying to kill me. So, I hack away at him with my blunt sword. He doesn't die right away (did I mention the sword was blunt?) but after more jabs, he falls and dies.

I stand there, blunt sword in my hand, scared of what I had just done, and afraid of what might await me.

Suddenly, they come in droves, the undead walking to capture me in their stale way of living. I run, blunt sword in hand. I get to the courtyard of the hotel and I find another blunt sword. And with a skill I did not know I had, I kill the zombies with the blunt swords.

Finally, I get to the edge of hotel compound, but I realize something is wrong. I didn't know where to go, and my friend was nowhere to be found. I see another friend, who comes up to me and tells me where he is, which is on the opposite side of the hotel. After hearing this good news, she attacks me. I slash at her, but she continues, unfazed by the blunt swords. Somehow, I lose the swords in the long struggle. However, I find a sharper, longer sword, with which I kill her with one swift swing.

With one sharp sword in one hand, and the recovered original blunt sword in the other, I race through the hotel. I get to an auditorium, where some zombies were putting on a very entertaining undead show. I get caught up for a moment, enjoying the festivities. It doesn't take them long to realize there is a breathing being among them, and they attack me. I dispatch a few of them, but I am soon overpowered. Overcome, I scream into the air, demanding that I wake up and that I wake up now.

And when I do...it is 4:30 in the morning. :-) And early morning never looked so good.

Interpretations are welcome.

Currently watching : Meats, Sweets, and Holiday Treats , Good Eats with Alton Brown

If wishes were horses...

A few things before I start.

One...it is my sister's birthday today. Happy birthday, Jenn! Hope it was a good one.
Two...I have no idea where that phrase "if wishes were horses" originated, let alone what it means. If you know, please enlighten us.

I have had a very random week. It started out really great, and then it stagnated really quickly. I still have joy, which is not connected to any circumstance, really, but I'm just feeling...blah.

This week, the biggest things that have been plaguing my mind as of late have to do with decisions that I have made and wondering what would have happened if I had gone the other way. The mind reels over how different life would have been if I had gone to a different college, took a risk instead of staying safe, or even having enough confidence and self-esteem so that I wouldn't be caught off guard by my self-inflicted obliviousness.

Since I can't really speak on the lives that might have been, I do believe that where I am is exactly where I am supposed to be. Even if I don't understand it right now, what I believe about the bigger picture and God's perspective tell me that this very place I am in is intentional. If it pleases God to use me in this way, who am I to argue?

I also wondered at how different I am from the people around me, especially in regards to family. If I had chosen a different path, would I still feel this different and set apart from them? Would I worry about fitting in with them as much as I do now?

I know I needn't worry about such things. But the mind does wander. I just have to rest in the fact that there is a purpose in where I am right now, even if I don't understand, let alone see my piece of the puzzle. All I can ask of myself is to be here. Right now.

And stop wishing for things that might have been.

Wish me luck. :-)

Currently watching : Clueless (Special Whatever! Edition)