End of a Season

I suppose now I can finally talk about it.

Yesterday (Sunday) was my last Sunday morning as a worship leader at my church. There are many reasons that led up to this decision, and for the most part, I am peace about the end of this season of my life.

However, yesterday morning was rough. Everything was falling apart, nothing was going right, and I was an emotional wreck. I had spent most of my Saturday morning crying over this change, and I was determined not to repeat that in front of everyone on Sunday morning.

For little over a year, I was the worship leader for the 11 am service at my church. No one really knew that was what I did except for the worship team that served with me faithfully week in and week out. As such, for most people, this change in leadership won't seem different. I am stepping down from a role that people didn't know I had. So, if anyone saw me crying on Sunday morning, they wouldn't know why.

This change affects me more than I had realized. I love leading worship. I love putting set lists together. I love rehearsal. I love hanging out with my worship team and discovering how to play a song together.

I am really going to miss this.

This season has come to an end, and I eagerly anticipate to see what will come next; to see what dreams God will unfold before me; to see what desires of my heart will be fulfilled. It is exciting and sad at the same time.

But for the moment, all I can think about is how much I am going to miss this.

I would also like to say thank you to my wonderful worship team. Thank you for staying by me as I clumsily tried to figure out this leadership role. You all are gifted musicians and I am touched by your big hearts and service to God. I look forward to working with all of you again when I return from my "sabbatical."

Thank you to my friends who prayed for me over this day. A special thank you to Elena and Rana for visiting me and making this moment a celebration.

This dream of mine to lead worship is coming to an end. Even if it was for a little while, I am supremely thankful for the time I had been given to try out this dream and see if I could do it. And I hope that the end of this dream would make room for another dream to begin.

Sigh. I really am going to miss this.

Long Drives in the Car and Singing Loudly

One of my favorite memories is the road trip to LA and San Diego that I had taken the spring break of my junior year with my housemates, Heather and Larissa. We had taken my car and drove 21 hours to LA, picked up Larissa's sister, Megan, and then headed over to San Diego.

And of course, there was singing. Loud singing. On-top-of-your-lungs-don't-care-who-is-watching-singing. I am certain we looked odd and a tad bit crazy, but we also looked like we were having a lot of fun.

I miss moments like that.

I have lot of fear and trepidation when I sing. It's not within the comfort zone--or as some people put it--my sweet spot--to sing. As I've mentioned many times before, I find freedom and joy in playing piano. Since I can't carry a piano with me everywhere I go (no, the dinky keyboard I take with me for rehearsals does not count!), singing often becomes the next best thing.

I enjoy singing. I enjoy singing and not caring if anyone hears, not caring if it sounds great, not caring what people think. I enjoy singing when it is about heart and freedom and joy.

Which is probably why you'll only find me singing with such great abandon when I'm taking a long drive in the car.

It's too bad that I can't afford the gas to fuel my car for such carefree frivolity.