Something Face

Person 1: Nothing's wrong.
Person 2: That's not nothing. You've got something face.

Depending on how well and how long people have known me, people know that when I am angry, I am pretty vocal about it...usually in the form of a long rant peppered with sarcastic jokes. And you will also know that if I am REALLY angry, I get very...very...quiet.

My Starbucks partners knew that rule fairly quickly...because I was quiet...a lot. (I am mostly thinking.) And people at my other job are realizing this sad fact about me fairly slowly because...well...I'm not angry. However, this past week has been a huge test on my selfish desire to be heard. As a result of my ever rapidly growing frustration, I got quieter and offered nothing more than a simple answer to the question and rarely commented or asked a question.

Which, I'm finding out, only makes people nervous.

I don't know why people want me to say something when I have nothing to say. I process a lot, and I try to think about what I am about to say. I try not to say something unless it is something of worth or that will help someone. I try not to fill the space with words that don't mean a thing. I don't always succeed, but I do try.

I guess I always thought of myself who may not always have something to say, but when I do...I try to make it count.

For the past week, I've had to hold in my biting comments regarding two scenarios: 1. When people try to prompt me to say something for the sake of saying something and 2. When people interrupt me to either add to my comment or say it for me just when I had finally decided to say something.

Grr. Argh.

I don't understand. If it bothers you if I don't speak, why do you stop me when I do?

GRR! ARGH!

Oh well. I don't need to burn bridges right now because of my selfish pride. I just wish I could find some way to ask people to not assume that my silence is out of boredom or because I have nothing to say. The sad thing is, I'm hardly bored because I'm always thinking about something and I always have something to say...but I have my reasons (not always the right ones) when I refuse to share.

But if anyone really knew me, they'd know that there is always something going on in my head.

I have something face.

Currently watching : The X-Files - The Complete Seventh Season (Slim Set)