And the Academy Award goes to...

Oh Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to be loved...

So...I guess my last blog was a bit dramatic. I was a bit dark and broody, but I was reminded that praise changes things. And after this morning, I know more than ever how that is true. So...here's comes the praise...

I am amazed on how great my friends and family are. I am nothing without them. I thank my God every time I think of you. I learn something wonderful about life, God, and you every time I actually get my head out of the dramatic dark and broody and see you for who you really are: beautiful.

Thank you to my friends, for all the challenges, joys and scrabble games. All of you show me love, especially in times when I feel unloveable.

Thank you to my family, especially my sister and cousins. You always remind me how much I truly love my family and couldn't live with out the craziness that is us.

Thank you to my church. You drive me crazy at times, but without your grace, I may never learn what it truly means to love God and love people.

::::cuing orchestra music::::

Wait...I just have to say...thank you to Jon Stewart and David Duchovny. You know why. Oh...and I can't wait until next year when I can start my political debates on....

::::quickly ushered off stage and cut to Glenn Close and Donald Sutherland to remind us what we are watching::::

Yes, I am sappy, but that's what happens when you're accepting an award for drama.

Currently watching : The West Wing - The Complete First Season

I lent voice to thought and that was a mistake

Ever since I moved to Tacoma, I realized how much I don't have a voice.

I can speak, and sometimes people listen. And for the first couple of years, I thought I had a place where I have influence, significance. However, those years are long gone, and I am still struggling to find a place where I just wasn't a work horse, but someone who has opinions, thoughts, and something of value to say.

Apparently, it only happens in my head and when I am in school.

I wish I had gone to graduate school.

Oh...my story. So, a few months ago, I found myself in a position where my opinions seemed to be heard and actually valued. It was great to be part of something again after being apart for so long. However, that abruptly ended due to a string of events that I had no control over.
I feel like life's a tease at times, where good things happen for as long as you don't actually say out loud that it is good. Why does it seem like whenever we say we are happy, we're suddenly not? If people really learned their lesson, they would never say that they are happy so that bad things won't happen.

So...I'm back in this non-existent, workhorse oriented, voiceless place of service and I wonder if maybe I was never meant to be an influential leader and I should stop trying. I have spent so much time being the make-it-happen-girl, that the few weeks where I actually felt like I was part of a team was a great experience that I thoroughly enjoyed. If I ever get to that point again where I felt like I was part of moving mountains instead of the one printing out the hiking guides to those mountains, I won't say anything about how I actually enjoyed it. I won't make that same mistake again.

Maybe all I have to offer is a silent tongue and a listening ear. It's not bad, but it isn't always fun.

And perhaps I am not good in saying things. But I don't want to feel like I never could be the more that I hope I could become.

Currently watching : Gone with the Wind (Four-Disc Collector's Edition)

So...uh...what happened to June?

I honestly don't know what happened in June.

I can tell you that a lot of changes happened in June, hence my absence with this blog. But the best explanation of my radio silence is that I lost my coffee shop home last month.

I have been hanging out in coffee shops throughout most of my living in Tacoma. I don't know why, but I like coffee shops. I like hiding in plain sight. I typically favored Starbucks, but after working there for two years, I opted for a quieter coffee shop to hide in.

Unfortunately, people found out about this sanctuary and have infiltrated the home that wasn't mine to begin with. Sad day. To make a long story less long...I have no sanctuaries left. There are just not enough coffee shops in Tacoma that I actually like.

So...for a lack of a better term, I have spent a month trying to find a sanctuary. No such luck. Until then, I am floating around Tacoma hoping to find a place I can find safety in...and perhaps, I might feel like myself again.

Currently reading : The Flight of the Creative Class: The New Global Competition for Talent By Richard Florida