At which point will someone's brain just implode?

I am frustrated.

Lately, I've been feeling a lot of pressure. Job, family, friends, church, money...it's all just a big mess. I feel so much pressure, that I know at some point I am going to boil over, burst, and blow up. Really.
Sigh. I miss Vegas.

I don't know when I started caring about what other people thought of me. Or rather, I don't know when I let it bother me as much as it has been lately. I am pretty much resigned to feeling invisible, but when did people start acting like my mother? I wish people would just talk to me about me instead of assuming that I will go along with anything they throw at me. I am pretty easy going when it comes to changing of plans and such, but that does not mean that i doesn't hurt my feelings when people just change things on me without talking to me. Yes, I'll go along with it, but give me the courtesy of talking to me like a human being instead of a workhorse. My name is Abby. Not BooBoo, not Abbage Cabbage, not that-chick-who-always-is-there-and-knows-what-is-going-on. I am not a fill-in girl. I do am not a place holder until you finally find the "real" person who you need to fill in that spot I am occupying. I am not the crazy sociology undergrad who is driven by politics. Sure, I am all of those things, but I am Abby. Sure, I don't share my feelings with everyone at a drop of a hat. I don't have indepth conversations after a cordial hello every Sunday morning or when you finally see me. I will share with people when I feel like its worth sharing. Just because I don't share doesn't mean I don't feel.

And right now, I'm feeling angry.

That isn't an invitation to "talk it out" or find out the reason why. I'm just angry. I'm not going to do anything drastic (past this blog) but I am angry. I'm not sad, and I will be happy. Don't worry about my joy. I have many things that make me happy, and I enjoy life. But at this very moment, I am angry. And hopeful that my saying that will just let people know that I am capable of feeling something. Of all the things I listed above, I am NOT a problem to be fixed or an issue to be addressed or an emotional wreck that is too much to be handled or ignored.

Where did this all come from? Well, my feelings have been hurt many times throughout the past couple of months. And I am sick of people who nonchalantly ask me how I am doing and expect a full answer. I don't work like that, so don't expect me to. Why don't I tell people? I don't know. I have my reasons, and believe me they don't have anything to do with anyone. It's me. But when I get it figured out, I'll tell you when I feel safe. And for the moment, I don't feel safe. So, don't fault me for that. So for the time being...here is my answer:

I am angry because my feelings are hurt and I don't know how to fix it.

Oh...and I miss Vegas.