Rebuilding on a Fountain of Tears

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

--Paul, Galatians 6:2

I think it's getting to the point where I can be myself again.

--Steven Page & Stephen Duffy, "Call and Answer"

Hmmm...my blog titles are getting longer and longer. I will try to remedy that next time.

I don't like crying in front of other people. And since I can't hide in public, it's a nightmare when I can't stop crying and I still have to play piano in front of a group of people that I see every Sunday morning.

Thankfully, most of the time, no one notices.

But today, I was an emotional wreck. I got up on stage and did the best I could to play the song while trying to wipe away my tears without attracting attention. However, after the song had ended, I couldn't stop crying.

Apparently, even after all my mental processing the past several weeks, I still needed to cry. Crying, I suppose, has its merits. My mind can ferret out what ails me. My mind can work out the solution to the problem. But sometimes, my heart can't catch up with my mind, and crying seems to be the only thing that helps.

I don't like crying in front of people. But I know how blessed I am to have people around me who don't mind. I am thankful for my friends who sit with me when I can't stop crying and take the time to sit with me and listen to me. And I am even more grateful for the grace they extend when all I have to offer are my tears.

Failure doesn't always mean defeat. Crying doesn't always mean I've failed.

Now that the crying has ceased, the hard work begins. I am grateful for those who walk by me to help me back up onto my feet and encourage me to try again.

Now it's time to prove that you've come back here to rebuild.

--Steven Page and Stephen Duffy, "Call and Answer"