Five Hours Later...

Apparently, I finished archiving the blogs I had on my other website.

It took me five hours. I just couldn't stop. I had to get something done. Even if it meant sitting in front of my computer for five hours.

However, I suppose it would not have taken me nearly that long if I hadn't read every single blog I was archiving. I have been lax in the past couple of months, which I attribute to my lack of access to the internet. So here's another futile promise to be better at this.

I am an avid journal writer, and I have been amazed in looking back through those entries and seeing how much I have changed, which lessons I still have not yet learned, and most of all...the hand of my glorious God.

I experienced the same thing as I read through my blog entries. God has remained faithful while I have not been. And if there is anything to keep this blog going, it is to catalog just how good He is.

And of course, what I think about this upcoming election. :-)

Archiving

For those new to the site, I am currently working on putting past blog entries from my former blog website in the blog archive for your viewing pleasure!

Yes...I'm bored. Nothing a little X-Files won't fix.

Strangers

There are a few things that make me happy. One, of course, is David Duchovny. And on this short list is my grandfather.

A couple weeks ago, my grandparents visited the Philippines. They make a trip every once in awhile, but due to their health issues, this trip was shorter than usual.

While Grandpa was making dinner, he told me how Manila changed. Imagine putting the entire population of Washington and Oregon in the area the size of Seattle and the "greater Seattle" area, and you have Manila. 12 Million people...in itty, bitty, living space.

However, my grandpa's one observation was, although not unique, still profoundly sad. "I am a stranger in my own home," he said simply, his eyes glazed with a thought of a memory that will never grow old for him. He hardly recognized anything, anyplace, anyone. The world that had birthed him was now a foreign land.

Again, not a new concept, but still an one worth considering.

I thought about how awful it would be to go back to the place that was once so familiar and know that you no longer belonged. I could not imagine my hometown changing so much beyond recognition. I could not imagine what it would be like to finally realize that you can no longer keep up with the constantly changing world.

The effects of being old, I suppose.

However, as my grandfather laughed away his comment, I felt more endeared to him. We exchanged comfortable smiles and joked about some inane thing on the news channel.

The effects of being vulnerable, I suppose.

Well...I was never good with transitions...

So apparently, I had intended to change blog sites in March. My question is: when did it become April?

As I happen to turn 27 today, I figured now was a good time as any to actually inform people of the change. Go figure. I hope to be better at keeping this blog up than I was on the other one. La di dah. If I were a person who placed bets, I would bet against me. Just a hint. ;-)

Today has been brought to you by...the letter C

And you know how much I love alliteration. Don’t worry, I’ll try to be kind.

As of late, there were some choices I had to make. Most of them, of course, resulted in breaking my heart. I, of course, have recently made a decision, and wouldn’t you know it, the day after, I get hit with a test. A crisis of faith, indeed. So, to make this recent decision real, I have complied, yet another list.

Lesson 1: Courage-it takes more courage to choose the things you know will break your heart.
Lesson 2: Choice--sometimes it isn’t an option to not do anything. We all choose something, and if we are not careful, the things we failed to take a stand against will end up choosing us. George Bernard Shaw said, "Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get."
Lesson 3: Cost--Every choice has a cost. And we shouldn’t choose things based on the weight of the cost. We are poor judges of what costs us more.
Lesson 4: Commitment--We are all committed to something. And how we protect that commitment shows us a lot about our character.
Lesson 5: Crisis--And of course, with everything we believe we face a crisis. Crisis is where we make decisions.
Lesson 6: Crying--Right now, I’m sitting in a coffee shop so that I won’t burst into tears. But I know that right now what I need is a real good cry.
Lesson 7: Cookies--I like cookies. Especially ones with chocolate. Hmmm...chocolate.
Lesson 8: Care--After all this, I have to remember to take care of my heart. I have been such a poor steward of it that I know my first tendency is to move toward heartache. And although my heart is broken, it is still my heart and it will be healed again, whole and yes...complete.

Ok. I feel better. Thank you for indulging me. Gonna eat some cookies now. :-)

F sharp minor, A over C sharp, D

Ok...it’s the end of March and I realize that I have not written a thing.

Which is all right, I suppose, given the huge life change I experienced. (For those not in the know...don’t worry...just because I moved to my own apartment doesn’t change the fact that I’m still secretive)

But my moving isn’t the purpose of this blog.

This past Sunday, we shared the Lord’s supper, and the worship team was asked to play something in the background. We didn’t have anything planned (which isn’t different for us) and we waffled between doing a different song, a couple of hymns and then finally settled on playing the three main chords of the preceding song.

I was fine with it, but what they wanted me to play was a string patch. Which, for all intents and purposes, I don’t mind. I’ve been playing keys for quite some time, and it is nothing like the piano. I add atmosphere, and rarely do I get a chance to play anything melodic. Two notes can add a lot to the song, and I will play those notes with all my heart. Less is more, especially considering that every space has been filled with other instruments.

This isn’t a performance, and I am not doing a solo. I’m finding that many pianists who are classically trained have a hard time playing keyboard in a band.

I’m a team player, so I will play those two notes. And more importantly, it isn’t about me.
But there’s this part of me that feels like I’m holding back. Which, isn’t news to many people, but when I’m behind a piano, its the only place that I feel safe enough to express what was going on in my heart, my life. It’s the way I communicate, even if no one is listening.

So, here’s my confession. During that time of reflection and prayer, I decided the best way I could serve was to play the piano. No atmosphere, no two notes, nothing...just playing what my heart felt like. Sure, it was purely selfish, and I will reap the consequences soon. I wasn’t a team player then, and I feel bad. For like half a second.

After all that I went through these past couple months up to that very morning when the finally assault on my heart came darting toward me, I needed to play the piano. I needed to express what I could not in words and fall in love with music again.

Yeah, there were moments that I had to hold back and remember that I had a whole entire band playing that three chord progression. I could not deviate. I could not move on as much as I wanted to. But I didn’t care. There was form to the music, but there was freedom in it.

And that’s the beauty I longed to express to God, to everyone. In midst of all this craziness, I am still free.

I miss the piano.

Moving Day

Hello Friends, glad you found me. It's moving day!

Well, I've given into the inevitable and gave into this upturning season of my life...and changed blogsites. Some of my blogs will be available on the other site, but the majority of them will appear here.

I hope you enjoy what I have to share and if not...that's fine, too. Enjoy!