So apparently, I had intended to change blog sites in March. My question is: when did it become April?
As I happen to turn 27 today, I figured now was a good time as any to actually inform people of the change. Go figure. I hope to be better at keeping this blog up than I was on the other one. La di dah. If I were a person who placed bets, I would bet against me. Just a hint. ;-)
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Monday, April 7, 2008
Today has been brought to you by...the letter C
And you know how much I love alliteration. Don’t worry, I’ll try to be kind.
As of late, there were some choices I had to make. Most of them, of course, resulted in breaking my heart. I, of course, have recently made a decision, and wouldn’t you know it, the day after, I get hit with a test. A crisis of faith, indeed. So, to make this recent decision real, I have complied, yet another list.
Lesson 1: Courage-it takes more courage to choose the things you know will break your heart.
Lesson 2: Choice--sometimes it isn’t an option to not do anything. We all choose something, and if we are not careful, the things we failed to take a stand against will end up choosing us. George Bernard Shaw said, "Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get."
Lesson 3: Cost--Every choice has a cost. And we shouldn’t choose things based on the weight of the cost. We are poor judges of what costs us more.
Lesson 4: Commitment--We are all committed to something. And how we protect that commitment shows us a lot about our character.
Lesson 5: Crisis--And of course, with everything we believe we face a crisis. Crisis is where we make decisions.
Lesson 6: Crying--Right now, I’m sitting in a coffee shop so that I won’t burst into tears. But I know that right now what I need is a real good cry.
Lesson 7: Cookies--I like cookies. Especially ones with chocolate. Hmmm...chocolate.
Lesson 8: Care--After all this, I have to remember to take care of my heart. I have been such a poor steward of it that I know my first tendency is to move toward heartache. And although my heart is broken, it is still my heart and it will be healed again, whole and yes...complete.
Ok. I feel better. Thank you for indulging me. Gonna eat some cookies now. :-)
As of late, there were some choices I had to make. Most of them, of course, resulted in breaking my heart. I, of course, have recently made a decision, and wouldn’t you know it, the day after, I get hit with a test. A crisis of faith, indeed. So, to make this recent decision real, I have complied, yet another list.
Lesson 1: Courage-it takes more courage to choose the things you know will break your heart.
Lesson 2: Choice--sometimes it isn’t an option to not do anything. We all choose something, and if we are not careful, the things we failed to take a stand against will end up choosing us. George Bernard Shaw said, "Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get."
Lesson 3: Cost--Every choice has a cost. And we shouldn’t choose things based on the weight of the cost. We are poor judges of what costs us more.
Lesson 4: Commitment--We are all committed to something. And how we protect that commitment shows us a lot about our character.
Lesson 5: Crisis--And of course, with everything we believe we face a crisis. Crisis is where we make decisions.
Lesson 6: Crying--Right now, I’m sitting in a coffee shop so that I won’t burst into tears. But I know that right now what I need is a real good cry.
Lesson 7: Cookies--I like cookies. Especially ones with chocolate. Hmmm...chocolate.
Lesson 8: Care--After all this, I have to remember to take care of my heart. I have been such a poor steward of it that I know my first tendency is to move toward heartache. And although my heart is broken, it is still my heart and it will be healed again, whole and yes...complete.
Ok. I feel better. Thank you for indulging me. Gonna eat some cookies now. :-)
Monday, March 31, 2008
F sharp minor, A over C sharp, D
Ok...it’s the end of March and I realize that I have not written a thing.
Which is all right, I suppose, given the huge life change I experienced. (For those not in the know...don’t worry...just because I moved to my own apartment doesn’t change the fact that I’m still secretive)
But my moving isn’t the purpose of this blog.
This past Sunday, we shared the Lord’s supper, and the worship team was asked to play something in the background. We didn’t have anything planned (which isn’t different for us) and we waffled between doing a different song, a couple of hymns and then finally settled on playing the three main chords of the preceding song.
I was fine with it, but what they wanted me to play was a string patch. Which, for all intents and purposes, I don’t mind. I’ve been playing keys for quite some time, and it is nothing like the piano. I add atmosphere, and rarely do I get a chance to play anything melodic. Two notes can add a lot to the song, and I will play those notes with all my heart. Less is more, especially considering that every space has been filled with other instruments.
This isn’t a performance, and I am not doing a solo. I’m finding that many pianists who are classically trained have a hard time playing keyboard in a band.
I’m a team player, so I will play those two notes. And more importantly, it isn’t about me.
But there’s this part of me that feels like I’m holding back. Which, isn’t news to many people, but when I’m behind a piano, its the only place that I feel safe enough to express what was going on in my heart, my life. It’s the way I communicate, even if no one is listening.
So, here’s my confession. During that time of reflection and prayer, I decided the best way I could serve was to play the piano. No atmosphere, no two notes, nothing...just playing what my heart felt like. Sure, it was purely selfish, and I will reap the consequences soon. I wasn’t a team player then, and I feel bad. For like half a second.
After all that I went through these past couple months up to that very morning when the finally assault on my heart came darting toward me, I needed to play the piano. I needed to express what I could not in words and fall in love with music again.
Yeah, there were moments that I had to hold back and remember that I had a whole entire band playing that three chord progression. I could not deviate. I could not move on as much as I wanted to. But I didn’t care. There was form to the music, but there was freedom in it.
And that’s the beauty I longed to express to God, to everyone. In midst of all this craziness, I am still free.
I miss the piano.
Which is all right, I suppose, given the huge life change I experienced. (For those not in the know...don’t worry...just because I moved to my own apartment doesn’t change the fact that I’m still secretive)
But my moving isn’t the purpose of this blog.
This past Sunday, we shared the Lord’s supper, and the worship team was asked to play something in the background. We didn’t have anything planned (which isn’t different for us) and we waffled between doing a different song, a couple of hymns and then finally settled on playing the three main chords of the preceding song.
I was fine with it, but what they wanted me to play was a string patch. Which, for all intents and purposes, I don’t mind. I’ve been playing keys for quite some time, and it is nothing like the piano. I add atmosphere, and rarely do I get a chance to play anything melodic. Two notes can add a lot to the song, and I will play those notes with all my heart. Less is more, especially considering that every space has been filled with other instruments.
This isn’t a performance, and I am not doing a solo. I’m finding that many pianists who are classically trained have a hard time playing keyboard in a band.
I’m a team player, so I will play those two notes. And more importantly, it isn’t about me.
But there’s this part of me that feels like I’m holding back. Which, isn’t news to many people, but when I’m behind a piano, its the only place that I feel safe enough to express what was going on in my heart, my life. It’s the way I communicate, even if no one is listening.
So, here’s my confession. During that time of reflection and prayer, I decided the best way I could serve was to play the piano. No atmosphere, no two notes, nothing...just playing what my heart felt like. Sure, it was purely selfish, and I will reap the consequences soon. I wasn’t a team player then, and I feel bad. For like half a second.
After all that I went through these past couple months up to that very morning when the finally assault on my heart came darting toward me, I needed to play the piano. I needed to express what I could not in words and fall in love with music again.
Yeah, there were moments that I had to hold back and remember that I had a whole entire band playing that three chord progression. I could not deviate. I could not move on as much as I wanted to. But I didn’t care. There was form to the music, but there was freedom in it.
And that’s the beauty I longed to express to God, to everyone. In midst of all this craziness, I am still free.
I miss the piano.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Moving Day
Hello Friends, glad you found me. It's moving day!
Well, I've given into the inevitable and gave into this upturning season of my life...and changed blogsites. Some of my blogs will be available on the other site, but the majority of them will appear here.
I hope you enjoy what I have to share and if not...that's fine, too. Enjoy!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
To Whom it May Concern
Dear March 2008:
This is your moment. You have a chance to redeem 2008 from its rocky start. The past two months have been hard, challenging and quite frankly, crappy. In retrospect, these two months of trying times have made me stronger and worth all the pain to reach joy. I don't blame January and February for what they offered me. Nothing is wasted and there is a reason for everything. There is no joy without experiencing sorrow.
That's right, March, I didn't forget the campaign promise: Joy for 2008.
So here we go. This is your moment to shine. Rise above the preceding months and help me remember that everything's going to be all right. That all these weeks of rough starts and waves of grief was paving the way of delight and joy and freedom.
Sure, that's a lot of pressure to put on you. You're not used to having so much riding on the the days that number your space on the calendar year. But I believe in you. You can make this happen. And even if you don't, that's fine. I'll move on to April. But don't let that give you an excuse to fail to rise to the challenge.
Yes, March 2008, this is an exciting time for us. This is your moment. Make it count.
Thank you in advance for your kind consideration. See you in a few hours.
Currently watching : Scrubs - The Complete Sixth Season
This is your moment. You have a chance to redeem 2008 from its rocky start. The past two months have been hard, challenging and quite frankly, crappy. In retrospect, these two months of trying times have made me stronger and worth all the pain to reach joy. I don't blame January and February for what they offered me. Nothing is wasted and there is a reason for everything. There is no joy without experiencing sorrow.
That's right, March, I didn't forget the campaign promise: Joy for 2008.
So here we go. This is your moment to shine. Rise above the preceding months and help me remember that everything's going to be all right. That all these weeks of rough starts and waves of grief was paving the way of delight and joy and freedom.
Sure, that's a lot of pressure to put on you. You're not used to having so much riding on the the days that number your space on the calendar year. But I believe in you. You can make this happen. And even if you don't, that's fine. I'll move on to April. But don't let that give you an excuse to fail to rise to the challenge.
Yes, March 2008, this is an exciting time for us. This is your moment. Make it count.
Thank you in advance for your kind consideration. See you in a few hours.
Currently watching : Scrubs - The Complete Sixth Season
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
When is Homecoming?
Is it November yet?
At the risk of admitting that I get some of my news from CNN.com, I came across an article today about the latest results from the national Poll of Polls (yes, that is a real thing). Addressing the question of the electability of Obama or Clinton against McCain in the general election, the results of the independents was this:
"Independents are crucial swing voters. They give McCain a solid lead over Clinton, according to the New York Times-CBS News poll. But independents abandon McCain for Obama. If Obama's the alternative, McCain's support among independents drops from 52 percent to 36 percent."
It reminds me of student council elections where the principal addresses the assembly of students to remind them that this is not a popularity contest.
Sigh. Silly Rabbits.
It's sad to me that we (Republican, Democrat, Independent, Indifferent) are waiting for a leader, but we feel we have to settle for who offends us the least or the most likeable. We don't really like anyone, but we're willing to vote for Person A over Person B if Person C and Person D don't make it to the ballot. But, we would pick Person B over Person C if Person A doesn't make it. Blah. Election Math.
And they said you never really leave high school.
If our American election process is reduced to a popularity contest, then I think the least the labor force could do is give us a two month summer break.
To read the full article: Popular Kids
At the risk of admitting that I get some of my news from CNN.com, I came across an article today about the latest results from the national Poll of Polls (yes, that is a real thing). Addressing the question of the electability of Obama or Clinton against McCain in the general election, the results of the independents was this:
"Independents are crucial swing voters. They give McCain a solid lead over Clinton, according to the New York Times-CBS News poll. But independents abandon McCain for Obama. If Obama's the alternative, McCain's support among independents drops from 52 percent to 36 percent."
It reminds me of student council elections where the principal addresses the assembly of students to remind them that this is not a popularity contest.
Sigh. Silly Rabbits.
It's sad to me that we (Republican, Democrat, Independent, Indifferent) are waiting for a leader, but we feel we have to settle for who offends us the least or the most likeable. We don't really like anyone, but we're willing to vote for Person A over Person B if Person C and Person D don't make it to the ballot. But, we would pick Person B over Person C if Person A doesn't make it. Blah. Election Math.
And they said you never really leave high school.
If our American election process is reduced to a popularity contest, then I think the least the labor force could do is give us a two month summer break.
To read the full article: Popular Kids
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same
So, I've been battling this stress-produced headache for the past couple of weeks. As such, I have developed this habit of pinching the bridge of my nose. I thought nothing of it until I looked at myself in the mirror and see a faint red line along the ridge of my nose.
Yup. Popped a blood vessel. Vanity at its best, I obsessed over it for awhile, pointing out this near invisible blemish to everyone I talked to today. It's superficial, I know, but it serves as yet another reminder that everything's changing.
I suppose that everything is fluid; nothing stays the same; the only thing constant is change and other cliches. But its taking its toll on me. I've gone radio silent. I've filled every single moment of my life with something. I've slept the days away. I've had insomnia. I've eaten too much. I've not eaten at all. I've regressed. I've escaped. I've been overly joyful (dance of joy!). I've cried until there was nothing left.
And now I've popped a blood vessel. What joy is mine.
I don't know what's going on with me. Nothing's terribly wrong and things can always be worse. I'm going into an exciting time in my life and I've endured some life altering situations. My persepective has changed dramatically a few times and I've held onto my own beliefs to cope with all that is changing around me. I am nothing and everything at the same time.
Yes...I'm a walking cliche.
I don' know why today was harder than other days. Everything's really mostly good, but something hit me today that I didn't expect. I would have normally called this person to share this crazy observation on life, but I realized I couldn't. We're no longer friends. I lost a friendship with someone I didn't know was so important to me until our friendship abruptly ended. Five years I've known this person and everything's changed. And I can't do anything to make it better or make it the way it was before this craziness.
Cliche Number 343: You never know what you have until it's gone.
So now I have this funny story that I know my friend would have thoroughly enjoyed and its swimming in my head. And it only reminds me that I really do miss my friend.
Sigh. Time heals all wounds.
The point of all this is that I've been wounded. And I am having a hard time coping today. But its just today. Tomorrow will be better...for tomorrow is an-...
...nah. I won't finish that cliche.
Yup. Popped a blood vessel. Vanity at its best, I obsessed over it for awhile, pointing out this near invisible blemish to everyone I talked to today. It's superficial, I know, but it serves as yet another reminder that everything's changing.
I suppose that everything is fluid; nothing stays the same; the only thing constant is change and other cliches. But its taking its toll on me. I've gone radio silent. I've filled every single moment of my life with something. I've slept the days away. I've had insomnia. I've eaten too much. I've not eaten at all. I've regressed. I've escaped. I've been overly joyful (dance of joy!). I've cried until there was nothing left.
And now I've popped a blood vessel. What joy is mine.
I don't know what's going on with me. Nothing's terribly wrong and things can always be worse. I'm going into an exciting time in my life and I've endured some life altering situations. My persepective has changed dramatically a few times and I've held onto my own beliefs to cope with all that is changing around me. I am nothing and everything at the same time.
Yes...I'm a walking cliche.
I don' know why today was harder than other days. Everything's really mostly good, but something hit me today that I didn't expect. I would have normally called this person to share this crazy observation on life, but I realized I couldn't. We're no longer friends. I lost a friendship with someone I didn't know was so important to me until our friendship abruptly ended. Five years I've known this person and everything's changed. And I can't do anything to make it better or make it the way it was before this craziness.
Cliche Number 343: You never know what you have until it's gone.
So now I have this funny story that I know my friend would have thoroughly enjoyed and its swimming in my head. And it only reminds me that I really do miss my friend.
Sigh. Time heals all wounds.
The point of all this is that I've been wounded. And I am having a hard time coping today. But its just today. Tomorrow will be better...for tomorrow is an-...
...nah. I won't finish that cliche.
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