If wishes were horses...

A few things before I start.

One...it is my sister's birthday today. Happy birthday, Jenn! Hope it was a good one.
Two...I have no idea where that phrase "if wishes were horses" originated, let alone what it means. If you know, please enlighten us.

I have had a very random week. It started out really great, and then it stagnated really quickly. I still have joy, which is not connected to any circumstance, really, but I'm just feeling...blah.

This week, the biggest things that have been plaguing my mind as of late have to do with decisions that I have made and wondering what would have happened if I had gone the other way. The mind reels over how different life would have been if I had gone to a different college, took a risk instead of staying safe, or even having enough confidence and self-esteem so that I wouldn't be caught off guard by my self-inflicted obliviousness.

Since I can't really speak on the lives that might have been, I do believe that where I am is exactly where I am supposed to be. Even if I don't understand it right now, what I believe about the bigger picture and God's perspective tell me that this very place I am in is intentional. If it pleases God to use me in this way, who am I to argue?

I also wondered at how different I am from the people around me, especially in regards to family. If I had chosen a different path, would I still feel this different and set apart from them? Would I worry about fitting in with them as much as I do now?

I know I needn't worry about such things. But the mind does wander. I just have to rest in the fact that there is a purpose in where I am right now, even if I don't understand, let alone see my piece of the puzzle. All I can ask of myself is to be here. Right now.

And stop wishing for things that might have been.

Wish me luck. :-)

Currently watching : Clueless (Special Whatever! Edition)