Struggle and Joy

Have you ever been in a place where people actually looked at you with hatred?

In the recent past, I have had that extremely uncomfortable experience. Yes, I responded with fear, and sometimes with courage. I was able to hold on to my emotional filter, but became completely unhinged after a few hours of holding in my emotional response to this group's judgment and rejection. (Thank you to those who have forgiven me for my stupid outburst.)

But as a whole, I am very glad that I had walked into the lion's den. I had a lot of fear, but out of that experience, I found joy and comfort. God protected my heart and allowed me the room to enjoy the event and my friends in midst the presence of those who hate me.

I'm not going to run toward another similar experience like this, but at least I know that with the grace of God and my friends, I can get through this with the iota of courage I have. I am certain that if another opportunity like this presents itself, I can still come out of the other side and not feel shame and fear. I can go through this struggle and find joy. I can go through this and not completely lose myself. I believe in a God that is bigger than this situation and that group of people. And have people who love me and will stand by me even if I mess up.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

--David, Psalm 23:5-6 (ESV)

And to that group of people who still hate me, you almost won this round. But know this: you won't steal another moment of joy from me.