Contrary to popular belief, I am quite excited about this venture. I am looking forward to singing in a choir again, learning new choral pieces, reading new music. I'm excited to meet alumni from other years than my own. And yes, I will also have to hold myself back from running to the piano to plunk out parts and take the lead. (I was always the bossy one...that shouldn't surprise anyone...)
And when I see my former choir director, I won't be ashamed that I had dropped out of music. I will have a better story to share with him.
In true Abby-fashion, it didn't occur to to me to tell anyone--friends, family, or circle of influence--about the free concert at the end of the reunion. I never put two-and-two together until I received an e-mail from the reunion committee to encourage the attendees to invite their family and friends to our free concert. I didn't feel guilty about my silence until today when my mother asked me what I was doing this weekend.
When I was talking with my mother, I remembered that sometime during my high school career, I had stopped inviting my family and friends to my choir concerts. I always figured that they were
1. Not interested in attending.
2. Not expecting anything different from my other numerous concerts.
Then again, I have always been known for keeping things close to the chest.
Which brings me to the last time I sang in a choir. It was my senior concert; the last high school concert of the year. Not only was it the last choir concert, it was also supposed to be the last musical performance of which I would take part. For these reasons, my mother and sister chose to attend the end of my musical performing career.
I will never forget their faces when Giles handed me my award for the night. When he had finished, they stared at me in shock and disbelief as the audience around them rose to their feet for a truly shocking and unexpected standing ovation. In that strange mix of humility and delight, messy tears and smiles, I felt guilty that the only two people who didn't understand why I was being honored were the two people in the audience I was related to.
It was a strange sense of betrayal. While people congratulated me after the concert, my mother and sister had to endure pretending to know what was happening while they awkwardly accepted the accolades that were extended to them.
Like I mentioned before, I'm a private person, especially with things that mean a lot to me.
Apparently, some things haven't changed in the ten years since I last sang in a choir. However, I am confident that things can change. I want to learn how to share the things that are important to me with those I love.
I may still keep things close to the chest, but what I take joy in shouldn't be one of them.
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