Microphones and Moving Targets

Due to external circumstances, I ended up singing the entire set list for the 11 AM service.

Singing isn't my strength, but I still enjoy it. I'm better behind the piano. I love playing the piano--it's one of the few things I like about myself. I get nervous every time I play in front of other people, but it's easier for me to cover my fear behind the piano. You can't hide your fear when there's a microphone in front of your face magnifying your nervousness.

And as usual, I started thinking: I hide a lot.

For instance, I've been told that I walk fast.

Here's the basic truth: I'm a short girl. Short legs, small feet. And I have tall friends. To keep up with their normal pace, it takes takes me three steps to match one of their strides. I'm also told that it's funnier when I wear my high heels. Apparently, the clicking of my heels upon the pavement provides a wonderfully amusing soundtrack.

I developed my rushed manner of walking because I'm hiding. You can't hit a moving target. If I keep moving, preoccupying myself with things to do and worry about, I won't have to face whatever I need to face. I don't have to be real--I'm too busy for that. I don't have to face my fears--I just need to push through them to get things accomplished. I don't have to slow down or stand still--something else needs my attention.

I'm a pretty private person by nature, but sometimes I'm just hiding.

What I learned from my experience today is that it is sometimes worth it to stop hiding. I wasn't perfect in singing or playing piano, but at least I tried. I learned more about myself and other people in risking foolishness instead of hiding behind playing it safe.

Sometimes taking that risk can allow God to do something great. And at times, it is better than we could have ever planned.

Then the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
-Anais Nin

...they held so tightly to what they had that they could not open their hands to receive what was to come.
--Erwin McManus, "Chasing Daylight"

And we must be willing to be rid of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
--Joseph Campbell