Advocacy

I was supposed to go to law school.

For three years, I studied sociology of crime and deviance with every intent of going to law school. I wanted to be an advocate for those who could not speak.

I'm not a policymaker or advocate, nor did I venture into the hallowed halls of higher education for that elusive law degree. I got something better out of the deal; I work for an organization that speaks for the poor, especially children.

I love where I work.

Today was the first day of our fiscal year. And every year, we dedicate October 1 as our worldwide Day of Prayer.

I love where I work.

Of the many thoughts that ran through my head today, I pondered on my somewhat fascination with being an advocate. I studied crime and deviance because I wanted to help bring justice to those who could not fight for it themselves. I love where I work, because I believe in a better world for a children and no demographic should stop that dream from becoming a reality.

Sadly, that's where the fascination ends and an unhealthy obsession begins. Yes, I have a martyr complex. Yes, I have great intentions to help people. But sometimes it comes across that I want to save people. To be perfectly honest, I don't wake up every morning wanting to save people. I don't think people need to be fixed. I never want to be the savior, I just want to help.

Maybe I want to help too much.

It's not much of a secret that I was formerly Catholic. Not only that, I was the Model Catholic girl. And without warning, I left, knowing that by doing so, I could never come back. There are many reasons why I left. One of the reasons why I left was because I had no one to speak for me. No one spoke for me. I had no one to turn to, no one could help me. And I walked away, voiceless and broken.

I guess that is what has been bothering me as of late. I want to help people in hopes that I could make up for the ways that I could not help myself. And I often find myself frustrated because I'm not much of an advocate for those I yearn to help.

There are many voiceless people in this world. There are many people that need us to speak for them. There are many people who need our help. We don't need to save them or become their savior, we already have Someone who does that. But we can (and should) still do something.

I suppose that's why this year's Day of Prayer moved me--I was reminded of why I love where I work. I'm not an advocate, but I believe that in some small way I am still doing something.

And coming from someone who searched for help and found none to speak for her, a little something that can speak volumes is better than the nothing that echoes in the silence.

For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent, and for Jerusalem’s sake I will not be quiet, until her righteousness goes forth as brightness, and her salvation as a burning torch...

--Isaiah, Isaiah, 62:1-2 (ESV)

And the Lord said to Paul one night in a vision, "Do not be afraid, but go on speaking and do not be silent..."

--Luke, Acts 18:9 (ESV)