Reformation Day

When I was young, I knew everything.

--The Verve Pipe, "The Freshmen"

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

--Paul, Romans 12:2 (ESV)

I'm not quite sure what happened this week, but somewhere, I snapped.

Do you ever take a look at your life and wonder, "This isn't working. Something's got to change"?

And then, for all of your thinking, you realize that the thing that had to change was you?

I needed a fresh perspective, to look at things differently instead of the way that it always...well, was. And I feared that if I didn't see things differently, I will remain stuck, spinning my tires in the muck and mire, going nowhere fast.

In my last entry, I said that I had shared my story about my limp. For some reason, the story still bothered me--but not in the way that I had expected. The story hadn't changed, but somewhere in the telling of it, I realized that I was the one who had changed. I am not that broken little girl or that scared young teenager any longer. So, if I am different, shouldn't the story change, too?

I pondered on this notion for a few days and a sudden revelation hit me. I had been trying for so long to make those in my story less like the villains and monsters I had feared, but rather, people. Like you. Like me. All in need of grace. Forgiveness. Hope.

Love.

The problem was, I didn't know how. I had to change my mind about them, about who they are as human beings and not mere characters in the story of my life.

We, including those who hurt us, are far more interesting than we give them credit for. Their story goes on, and mine should, too. And holding onto my fearful perspective of them will not lead to the freedom I so desperately seek.

Because your story is not over. The last word has not been spoken. And there may be way more going on here than any of us realize. So may you be released from always having to understand why everything happens the way that it does. May this freedom open you up to all sorts of new perspective. And may you have the wisdom to say, 'I spoke once, but now I will say no more.'

--Rob Bell, "Whirlwind"

My mind and heart is a mess of emotions because my perspective on the two specific people changed. I wanted to mete out judgment and punishment, but now, with a renewed heart and mind, I see them with the grace that only God can provide.

And that, I'm finding, is making all the difference.

Happy Reformation Day, everyone.