I lent voice to thought and that was my mistake

They say that saying it out loud helps.

A few days ago I admitted to a friend of mine the true struggle that lay beneath all the other struggles these past nine months. Now its out there, floating in the air. And I don't know what to do with it. However, saying it out loud did help me get out of bed the next morning. I was able to go to work, get through my normal every day life as I silently pondered what I was going to do.

I said it out loud--this stupid thing that brings so much shame. But I didn't feel better. I was running out of places to find the answers, and all I really wanted to do was get on with my life and function.

Although I did find myself annoyed more than comforted, I was pleasantly surprised by the people God had used to show me comfort and love. It wasn't those I had expected to extend a helping hand. Most of these people barely knew me, but still showed care. They didn't expect any details about my current trials. They didn't ask or prod, but tilted their heads and with a gentle voice told me that they loved me; were praying for me. They didn't have to know what was wrong--they only knew that something was wrong and offered me what they could--no matter how small the measurement.

It is amazing what a difference a smile makes. Or a caring touch. Or an impromptu dinner over news and politics. Or a hand firmly gripping mine, to offer whatever strength they had to help me get through whatever nameless thing I was going through.

My heart was moved by those who didn't offer words of advice, and led me to the care of God's hands. To those people, I am truly grateful. You may never know how bad it truly got, but each of your small smiles kept this failing heart going. Don't ever think that what you do is meaningless.

I just hope that someday I can return the favor.

My God loves me. And if there was any indication from the friends and random strangers he had used to show me this, I know this love is real.

They say that saying it out loud helps.