Struggling to Find Joy

Please forgive me for this blog. I haven't really thought this one through.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
--David, Psalm 34:18

Sometimes the biggest battle I have to fight is the one where I have to get out of bed.

This week has been challenging. It started out great and wonderful, but as time went on, I became disengaged in living. Quickly after that, I felt attacked at every side--everything I did--everything I had done--was wrong.

Why must we go through these seasons where we feel dry and empty; useless and heartbroken? I know I'm believing the lies I have fought for ten years. I'm tired of fighting. I almost want to give in, but I know I can't.

Is giving in the same thing as giving up?

I have a lot going through my mind. A lot of great things have happened that have completely blessed my life. But there is this one part of my life that I can't seem to let go. I want to trust God with this little part of my heart, but I'm afraid. And my stubborn insistence to hold and control this part of my life has caused more problems than joy. And I know nothing will change until I stop fighting. Joy will never come until I finally give up struggling and surrender all to the God who loves me.

It's gonna be all right. Even if I don't see it right now.

And reaching out my weary hand I pray that you understand you're the only one who's been faithful to me.
--Jennifer Knapp, "Faithful to Me"