For someone who thinks a lot, I am completely unaware.
Disclaimer: This is yet another vague entry because I haven't fully processed it yet. So hang in there. My next entry will be more concrete. I promise.
Last night, I was at a BBQ (yes, it was cold...but it was fun! Thank you, Kristin and Bard) and I was sharing about my Easter weekend. And as I told my story with great alacrity in hopes of getting the same surprised reaction I had, I was met with the opposite of what I had expected. (Seriously...who talks like me?)
It always catches me by surprise when people aren't surprised at how my life has been unfolding.
I don't know if it is because I had spent so long in Denial or because I have hit new levels of Obliviousness that I didn't know existed--but I am often finding myself wondering, "How did this happen?" "When did this start happening?" "Why didn't I see it before?" and the ever popular "What is going on right now?"
This isn't new to anyone, but I guess we are poor judges of what is happening when it is actually happening to us--especially when we are currently in midst of it.
The funny thing is, now that I have been made aware, everything has changed, and I go back to not knowing anything at all. Which is fine, because apparently, I didn't know anything to begin with.
Sigh. I'll get it some day. I really will. I'm almost sure of it.
6 comments:
Actually, it's really just because I'm an astoundingly brilliant genius. ; )
Do you plan on letting the mystery event or chain of events in the past continue to shape your future?
I gotta be honest. It's kind of depressing to read this blog everyday and see that whatever the problem or event is, that dominates your life and thoughts has not gotten better in all the years I've known you.
It's time to let it go. The past is done and over.
You can get fufu love and understanding from all your women friends, but I'm bringing the tough love.
It's now 1:30am, and I've spent 30 minutes trying to write and edit this in a way that lets you know I care and gets my point across without being an a-hole. Hope it worked.
Bryan--Several things.
1. You're not an a-hole. You're not a jerk. And my opinion of you doesn't change with your honesty.
2. I will admit that my blogs are serious and depressing. I hope you understand that wasn't my original intent, and I apologize that it comes across that all I do is think about these things. Yes, I think about them a lot, at perhaps an abnormal rate, but I keep forgetting that there is joy and many pleasant surprises in my life that I should probably share more often.
3. Also, my intent was not to depress anyone with what I write. I needed an outlet for what goes on in my brain....so it's highly unlikely that I will change the purpose of my blog any time soon. But I will be mindful not to be too depressing!
4. Tough love is most certainly welcome.
Thanks for sharing, Bryan. I hope you keep reading.
Kristin--Yes, you are a genius. But watch out...your Genius Baby is going outwit you some day...just you wait!
Don't apologize for your own thoughts and feelings. I just want you to be happy. I know it is not my job to make that happen, but I wish I could. I hate seeing people in pain or a funk, as you say. Do I need to beat anyone up for you?
Dinner #2 we talk about may actually happen soon! I'm going to start working a little less. I'm gonna try and take Thursday nights off.
Thanks, Bryan. :-D
Dinner #2 might happen? Yeah! It only took us 16 months to make it happen! I am excited that you're taking more time off. I bet Robyn is excited, too.
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