Confession

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been 10 years and 9 months since my last confession.

When I was in second grade, I went through the sacrement of reconciliation. The concepts of atonement, redemption, penance and contrition were taught to us who are raised Catholic at a tender young age. But all I got out of it was a confused understanding of sin, shame and sorrow.

Those lessons have carried onto my life today, although I am no longer a practicing Catholic.

Based on past experience, I guess I have developed this odd concept of confession. I had always believed that confession was a good thing. It is supposed to help free you. It is supposed to help you move on. But if confession is only going to bring judgment, finger pointing and more shame, then I will plead the fifth every single time.

With like all things that I'm learning these past few weeks, I realized I am wrong.

When I refuse to confess and choose to keep things hidden or secret, I am missing out on something very important in my relationship with God. I pretend that I can do it on my own or express my belief that God can't do anything about my sin, shame or sorrow. And in doing so, what God did for us is nothing and I am striving to redeem myself.

Confession isn't magic. Confession isn't supposed to make me feel better nor is it an invitation to make me feel worse. Confession is more than a ritual; more than seeking validation or atonement. Confession is more than unloading what we feel most guilty for in search of release.

At the heart of it, confession is an act of worship; it forces us to reveal our hearts; not to expose our depravity but rather, our complete need and reliance on God.

I think I missed that lesson when I was in second grade. But then again, my biggest sin was lying about cleaning my room. :-)