What happens you don't sleep...

Sometimes there is nothing to obey; the only thing to do is maintain a vital connection with Jesus Christ, to see that nothing interferes with that. --Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

Sure, its taken me a long time to get to this point. I know that some people had expected that I should be over it now, but I realize that they're not me. It takes me awhile to understand things in real life experience.

It's easier for me to be a scholar.

At any rate, this past week was sort of a trial. I don't know if it had anything to do with the apprehension that comes whenever July rolls around, but I was bad-moody. I was frustrated with the stale quality of life I was living, and I had no idea how to change it. No, strike that, I didn't want to do the things that would change it.

I hate to walk away, despite the fact that I do it so frequently.

In the end, when I finally "moved on" and took in the fresh air, it never occured to me that obedience was far simpler than quiet rebellion. Suddenly, the things I thought mattered to me didn't matter any longer. I look back on those ideas and people I wanted so desperately wanted to keep and finally see that the very act of keeping them close was what was holding me back.

I get that its only going to get harder from this point on. As soon as I declare victory, I get that Satan is crouching nearby ready to devour any ground that I thought I had covered. But that's ok. I get that trouble and annoyances will come. Nothing I do will stop that. I get that now.

Trials never end, of course. Unhappiness and misfortune are bound to occur as long as people live, but there is feeling now, that was not here before, and is not just on the surface of things, but penetrates all the way through: We've won it. Its going to get better now. You can sort of tell these things. --Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

So here's hoping that moving on is all what its cracked up to be. But wherever it leads, its got to be better than where I've been.

On a side note, the nightmares of stopped (for the moment, at least), and I'm finally sleeping again. Yeah!!