Delight

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
--David, Psalm 37:4

You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound.
--David, Psalm 4:7

Like with most things, I didn't see it coming.

However, I am learning (forgive me, I am slow) that just because I am oblivious to something doesn't mean that it wasn't ever going to happen. Moreover (who uses that word any more?) it also doesn't mean that God hadn't been preparing me for the good things he had planned for me.

It has taken me awhile to actually write this, but I wanted to share about this past experience without sharing too much in a blog for the two people that actually read this thing. So here goes.

The week of Thanksgiving, an event occurred that I had long imagined but suddenly didn't know how to handle. My reaction was far more complicated and different than I had anticipated. But in the end, a choice had to be made. God was tugging at my heart, urging me to follow him to a place that I had no desire to go.

But if I had failed to take this opportunity, I knew I would regret it. I would be missing out on the life that I wanted to have. And I didn't know how or when I had stopped believing in the life I had hoped for.

To be quite honest, I didn't do anything. But the small offering I made out of an act of obedience was enough for God to use in a mighty way--not only in my life, but for others around me. And it is because of His faithfulness alone that everything that I could ever hope for has been blessed.

I honestly didn't see it coming.

In fact, I didn't realize it until my counselor had pointed it out in our meeting yesterday. After I had babbled about what has occurred since Thanksgiving, she asked me if it had been everything I had asked God for. I was pleasantly surprised to respond with a resounding "Yes!"

The past three weeks have been nothing short of amazing. Yes, it came through some heartache, but God has taught me so much about His forgiveness and grace and love and compassion and...and...and...

I am hesitant to say all of this because I am afraid that this joy will go away. Doubt rises and troubles me. I am not used to this kind of feeling, or this place of joy. I have had moments, but they soon went away. And I can't help but wonder when this will fade. I fear that something will happen that will jerk me back to a place of despair and struggle and sorrow and...and...and...

However, that is not the kind of God I serve. In every and any circumstance, I hope that I will continue to choose to be content. The world will want to test me, and it may come close to winning, but in the end, the enemy can't break me. This daughter belongs to God.

There are many moments of joy and many moments of sorrow. But right now, all I wanted to say is that for this moment, my heart is full of delight.

And you know what that means....the dance of joy. May it never end.