On Hold

I have an ususually high filter.

I often hold back to spare someone feelings--mine or someone else's. I often hold back because I don't want to be in the way. But mostly I hold back because I don't believe that what I have to offer is worth much of anything.

One of my biggest frustrations in playing the piano is that I feel like I'm constantly holding back. Now, this isn't to say that I'm really awesome at the piano (because I'm not) or because the worship team needs me to play louder (because that isn't always the case) but I am frustrated that I am not able to express what I truly feel.

Now, my current experience with playing with team (which is a different blog) is just an example. This is a common theme with my frustrations in general. I don't express much of anything in my heart and I usually cover it with what is in my mind.

And it is exhausting.

There has to a balance to all of this. I don't want to become a flood of feelings or a droning intellectual. But I'm struggling to figure out how to express and share in a way that glorifies God and stop holding back.

I hope that if I have a lower setting on my filter, I can still be a blessing.