Unrecognizable

I know I can love you much better than this. It's better this way.
--Sarah McLaughlin, "Full of Grace"

It's probably because its **still** snowing (sigh...I want it to stop!) I have had some time to think.

I had planned to sleep in this morning, but when my alarm went off at 6 AM, I lay awake, thinking.

I know, I know...thinking is a dangerous pasttime.

At any rate, I thought about my life and how much I have been enjoying it lately (despite the snow...). A huge smile was on my face and my heart is still bursting with joy. As I thanked God for his blessings for these few weeks, I realized that I hardly recognized myself.

And it was a good thing.

Of course, being the thinker I am (I wouldn't be me if I wasn't processing something) I decided to go into research mode. I pulled out my journals during this time last year and came upon the life I had lived at the beginning of this year. I hadn't realized how far I had come from the troubled life I had lived. I read those entries, yelling at Abby from Jan 08, pleading with her to see the trouble she was going to get into and begging her to see that there was a way out if she just looked up.

Despite all my pleading, it did not change the outcome. However, in the end, I wouldn't have traded those experiences as long as it still leads me back to this moment where I know for sure God loves me. To this moment where I know there is still hope. To this moment where I still believe in love.

I no longer recognize the Abby from earlier this year. And I hope that the Abby I am now will continue to grow and love better than she did before.