From the stage I can see that she can't let go and she can't relax. But just before she can hang her head to cry, I sing to her a lullaby: Everything is gonna be all right.
--Shawn Mullins, Lullaby
Sometimes I hate everything--everyone and everything. Please don't tell me everything's wonderful now.
--Everclear, Wonderful
Truly, there are some songs that shouldn't get stuck in my head.
It's has been a rough couple of days. Sometimes it's hard to tell which way I'll go--whether I would choose life or death, joy or sorrow, peace or struggle. I want to give up and stay dark and broody. And there are times when I want to rise up and fight--the enemy can't have me.
You would think that I would be tired of the same fight. And quite honestly, I am. I hate this stupid lie that keeps trying to win a place in my heart. I feel like we've been through this time and time again only to fall flat on my face because someone crazy decided to write something stupid on a piece of paper in a blue envelope.
How could something so small threaten to ruin everything?
I'm sitting in my living room, contemplating what I am going to do next. The letter's gone--crumpled and dumped in a garbage can at World Vision. That's as far as I've gotten, but at least that's a step.
You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.
--Joseph, Genesis 50:20
I'm not sure why I'm writing this, but I believe it's the only way I'll remember this moment. At this very moment, I refuse to believe this crazy lie that I have no room for in my life. What this person had written needs to fall to the floor and not take root. It needs to die at the foot of my Savior, who claims me as his. My Abba Father loves me more than this person ever can--even if this person shares the same last name and my life's blood. The Spirit dwells within me and only speaks life and joy and will not leave me to death and destruction.
I need to fight. I don't know why, but I need to. God chose me for a specific purpose and I cannot give up now. I can't give up because my family and friends need me as much as I need them. I can't give up for the family I hope to have--the future husband I hope to love and the children I hope to bring into this world. I can't give up because I have to believe that something good is going to happen. I can't give up because I love a very good God.
And the song He's singing over me promises to be sweeter than what is currently on repeat in my head.
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.
--Zephaniah, Zephaniah 3:17
There's a song that's inside of my soul. It's one I've tried to sing over and over again...so I lay my head back down and I lift my hands and pray to be only yours. I pray to be only yours. I know now you're my only hope.
--Switchfoot, Only Hope
1 comment:
Amen sister! And yes, we need you! God didn't goof putting you here with us. :-) Keep listening to that song God is singing over you. I LOVE those verses from Zeph. Keep fighting that battle with the shield of faith and the sword of the Word. It's so good to remember that God is fighting for us too, He has won the war and that someday this battle will be over also. That's a real encouragement to me. Most believers don't even realize they're in a war, and then are so surprised when they are attacked spiritually. It sounds strange, but this earth is a war zone. Hey, we're on the winning side! Lots of love and prayers.
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