--Writer of Ecclesiastes, Ecclesiastes 7:14 (ESV)
Today was difficult. I had a very rough beginning, my mind was plagued with needless worry, and I wasted too much time dwelling on my wounded pride. But those circumstances shouldn't squelch hope. It took me awhile, but when I finally took my lunch hour, I realized that I just needed to stop thinking and I just needed to trust God. Granted, that's not a new perspective, but it's probably going to take me a lifetime to learn.
My plan for today's list was supposed to be hope. However, in light of my day, I thought it would be apropos to make this list about challenges. It would be foolish to try to live life without pain; pain has a purpose. Pain, as much as peace, teaches us to hold onto the hope we have.
1. Change. I feel like this year has been full of changes. My role at church changed this year. I fulfilled a lot of roles at work and I am still transitioning into a new position full of different responsibilities. My friendships have grown in beautiful ways that both humble and bless me. Merely because it is full of the unknown, change terrifies me. And yet, the challenges of change only provided further proof that I can stop worrying because I can trust God. Whatever changes are in the horizon (which may be sooner than I may think) I know it will be good because I have a sovereign God who knows and cares about the details of my life.
2. Family. A year ago, my father was in the hospital for congestive heart failure. Today, he is still alive, and I believe that is by the grace of God. And the grace that sustains him is the same grace that allowed me to look upon who my father is and offer him the grace I had been given. A lot of healing still needs to take place in my heart regarding who my father was, but I've got hope. My sister and brother-in-law will be having a baby, which I hope will bring us closer together. My mom and I finally have an understanding of who we are. Thankfully, we are no longer at odds, and it appears that we are at peace with each other. The rest of my family may not understand or know me, but I believe that the ice is finally melting. I am learning to not hide from them, and as a result, they are starting to see me. And yes, I will always love my grandpa. It took us awhile to get to this place, but it's slowly getting better. I've still got hope.
3. Boundaries. Let's face it: I've got poor boundaries. Sometimes they're too high. Sometimes they're not existent. This year, I've run myself ragged because I had too many things on my proverbial plate. On the same token, I also learned some healthy boundaries and my adherence to those boundaries might have very well saved my life. I may not be good at setting or keeping boundaries, but I'm confident that I'll learn once I remember to keep what is truly important.
Here's what I'm learning about hope. Life isn't always what we had planned. Sometimes it's better. And yes, sometimes it's not. Hoping our circumstances would turn out in a certain way or different than what they are is the surefire way to be unhappy. Regardless of the circumstances, if I believe I can trust God...there is always hope.
On peut toujours esperer.
Why are you cast down, O my soul; and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.
--David, Psalm 42:5-6 (ESV)
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
--Paul, Galatians 6:9 (NIV)
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