Hiding in Public

I have spent a lot of my time trying to stay invisible.

Whether it is hiding behind my sociology degree, behind a piano, behind my propensity to be awkwardly shy, I aim to achieve this pretense of a private life.

And yet...

I recently was offered an opportunity to lead worship for my church's second service. If you ask me about it, I have described it in a way where it sounds like I'm helping lead worship instead of being a "worship leader."

I don't think I really lead anyone.

But there has to be this healthy balance of not making yourself seem too important and not making yourself seem insignificant. It doesn't matter if I don't think people are watching, people are because I will be in front of them. I'll still be behind the piano, but I will also have a microphone in front of my face. There's no hiding there.

I will also be visible every Sunday morning. You can't lead from the back of the room or behind a curtain. (I suppose you can, but not very well.) There's no hiding there.

This opportunity isn't strictly a "behind the scenes" role. I just can't focus on my backstage interactions, I have to consider my front stage interactions (ah, it's Sociology Abby again!) There's no hiding there.

And whether I like to realize it or not, people will have the freedom to openly judge and criticize me because whether I believe it or not, I am a leader. There's no hiding there.

For someone who likes to pretend to live a private life, I end up leading quite a public life.

It's been ten years since I've done something like this. I guess there's only so much hiding one person can do.