Anticipating a Major Key

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel and ransom captive Israel.

--Latin Translation by John Mason Neale, 1851.

Lyrically and musically, this is one of my favorite Christmas songs.

Typically, the majority of this music piece is sung in a minor key. However, there is one change at the chorus when "Rejoice!" is sung with a major chord. The true beauty is found in the whole; in the tension between the two parts. The beauty would be lost if either of the parts were missing. The song needs both the mournful anticipation and the joyful resolution.

In midst of darkness, there is hope. While waiting during an seemingly endless time of sorrow, joy is found in a promise that the wait will be over.

Today is the first Sunday of the season of Advent. A few stories came across my path that broke my heart. Some of it was personal, some of it from those close to me, and some came from those I don't know but call the town I share with them "home." It breaks my heart to hear these stories, especially at the beginning of the Christmas season.

My heart is broken over the events of this specific day. There are some things I can't understand. There is despair and pain and sorrow. I can't make sense of it in my mind; I can't make it fit in my heart.

My hope for those going through such hard times is that they find comfort in their family and friends; that they find hope in a promise that it will not always be this way. There will come a time when we will reach the end of this, and we will sing in a different key.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.

--Paul, Romans 12:15 (ESV)

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

Choosing Tradition

I'm not sure if I am characteristically a traditional person, but as of late, I am fascinated with tradition.

The sociologist part of me could not stop the flooding questions: How do traditions begin? How does one integrate people into their family traditions? What is the process of changing traditions? Why do some traditions stand the test of time and others fade away?

And the very personal part of me had questions of her own, surrounding one basic question: If and when I have a family of my own, how will my holiday and family traditions change?

It's been ten years since I moved to Tacoma. In that process, I have developed my own traditions, a melding of my church family and my own family. I try to honor both families, doing my best to participate and connect with the people that mean the most to me. However, that process has been a long and hard one. I have hurt some feelings whenever I chose one group over the other.

Sometimes those choices don't exclude the other. Thanksgiving, in particular, is one that I am lucky enough to participate with both families--Turkey Bowl with Kristin in the morning, dinner with the Colliers in the afternoon; Thanksgiving dinner with the family in the evening.

My mind has been awhirl over what I think and feel about my life; what is really important to me--including these holiday and family traditions. In whatever way my life changes, one of the things I am looking forward to experiencing is creating family traditions of my own.

Love Like an Ocean

A list could not contain everything for which I am thankful.

But that doesn't mean I won't try. My heart is still an overflow of praise for my God.

O to grace, how great a debtor...

1. Friends. I learn so much from them. They bring me silly joy and peaceful comfort. They remind me of what is truly important. I am not well-versed in expressing affection and gratitude, but truly, I have nothing but pure love for the group of people I am honored to have as friends.

2. Work. Sometimes I can't believe how blessed I am to have my job. I have been given so many opportunities that I am humbled by how much they trust me. I hope that I am a blessing to those I work with. I always wish to serve them well.

3. Family. They are a unique brand of crazy. But I belong to them. They say you can't choose the family you are born into. Even so, for everything I have been through with them, I will always choose to love them. They mean so much to me.

4. Music. I love that it is back in my life again. It took me awhile, but because of a few people who reminded me how much I love it, and for those who give me the opportunity to try, I have an ongoing song in my heart.

5. Grace. There are so many things that have happened this year that would not have happened if not for the grace of God. And when I look at what I have and joyfully anticipate for what is to come, I know that I truly do not deserve any of it. The only reason why I have any of these things I listed above and the things I have treasured in my heart is because God graciously calls me His.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Be blessed.

O my words could not tell, not even in part, of the debt of love that is owed by this thankful heart.

--Matt Redman, "I Will Offer Up My Life"

On Peut Toujours Espérer

In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other...

--Writer of Ecclesiastes, Ecclesiastes 7:14 (ESV)

Today was difficult. I had a very rough beginning, my mind was plagued with needless worry, and I wasted too much time dwelling on my wounded pride. But those circumstances shouldn't squelch hope. It took me awhile, but when I finally took my lunch hour, I realized that I just needed to stop thinking and I just needed to trust God. Granted, that's not a new perspective, but it's probably going to take me a lifetime to learn.

My plan for today's list was supposed to be hope. However, in light of my day, I thought it would be apropos to make this list about challenges. It would be foolish to try to live life without pain; pain has a purpose. Pain, as much as peace, teaches us to hold onto the hope we have.

1. Change. I feel like this year has been full of changes. My role at church changed this year. I fulfilled a lot of roles at work and I am still transitioning into a new position full of different responsibilities. My friendships have grown in beautiful ways that both humble and bless me. Merely because it is full of the unknown, change terrifies me. And yet, the challenges of change only provided further proof that I can stop worrying because I can trust God. Whatever changes are in the horizon (which may be sooner than I may think) I know it will be good because I have a sovereign God who knows and cares about the details of my life.

2. Family. A year ago, my father was in the hospital for congestive heart failure. Today, he is still alive, and I believe that is by the grace of God. And the grace that sustains him is the same grace that allowed me to look upon who my father is and offer him the grace I had been given. A lot of healing still needs to take place in my heart regarding who my father was, but I've got hope. My sister and brother-in-law will be having a baby, which I hope will bring us closer together. My mom and I finally have an understanding of who we are. Thankfully, we are no longer at odds, and it appears that we are at peace with each other. The rest of my family may not understand or know me, but I believe that the ice is finally melting. I am learning to not hide from them, and as a result, they are starting to see me. And yes, I will always love my grandpa. It took us awhile to get to this place, but it's slowly getting better. I've still got hope.

3. Boundaries. Let's face it: I've got poor boundaries. Sometimes they're too high. Sometimes they're not existent. This year, I've run myself ragged because I had too many things on my proverbial plate. On the same token, I also learned some healthy boundaries and my adherence to those boundaries might have very well saved my life. I may not be good at setting or keeping boundaries, but I'm confident that I'll learn once I remember to keep what is truly important.

Here's what I'm learning about hope. Life isn't always what we had planned. Sometimes it's better. And yes, sometimes it's not. Hoping our circumstances would turn out in a certain way or different than what they are is the surefire way to be unhappy. Regardless of the circumstances, if I believe I can trust God...there is always hope.

On peut toujours esperer.

Why are you cast down, O my soul; and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

--David, Psalm 42:5-6 (ESV)

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

--Paul, Galatians 6:9 (NIV)

Peace Like a River

Considering my recent desire to find rest, I thought it may be appropriate for today's offering for the Thanksgiving List to be...

What Calms Me...

1. A cup of hot chocolate and a rainy day. Sometimes a rainy day is what it takes for me to slow down and take stock of what is really important. I also must admit, hot chocolate is delicious and beats a cup of coffee on certain days.

2. Long car rides. You can find out a lot about yourself. And if you're lucky enough to have someone to drive with you, you can find out a lot about someone else. It is always worth it.

3. Beethoven and Chopin. One is dark and broody. The other is lyrical and expressive. Both write music that is just beautiful.

4. Yo-Yo Ma. He rocks.

5. Laughing. Sharing silly stories, retelling an inside joke, and breaking into fits of uncontrollable laughter over nothing provides proof that peace doesn't always have to be experienced with silent solemnity. I cherish the people who make me laugh. Especially the ones that make me laugh over the things that I would typically take too seriously.

Peace and joy, my friends.

Joy Like a Fountain

In 2007, I started creating lists the week of Thanksgiving.

Last year, I was not able to continue the tradition due to family issues (has it really been a year?) but I thought I'd try my hand at cataloging this past year. Yes, I realize this is cheesy, but then again, this may be a refreshing change to my usually thoughtful blog entries. On a side note, I don't think there is anything wrong in looking back over the year and being thankful for what we were given.

Today's list is brought to you by joy...

1. Asher James and Evelyn Joy. These kids make me happy. Their families make me happy, too.

2. My friends. There are many reasons why you're all in my life; one of which is how much joy you bring me. I love laughing with every single one of you. If I haven't personally told you how much I enjoy you, I apologize. I hope I will be better at expressing my gratitude to you.

3. Playing piano and singing. I may not be the best at those things, but when I'm fully engaged in making music, almost nothing else brings me as much joy.

4. Rainy days. Yes, I love rainy days. I don't think I can explain the depth of how much joy they can bring me.

5. 11 AM Worship Team. They put up with me and how nerdy I get over music theory. (Yes, you should sing the fourth above the melody. Then it would be perfect! Oh! A perfect fourth! :::cue Abby's nerdy laugh and team members nervously exchanging glances and rolling their eyes:::). Really, I enjoy playing music with my team.

6. LOST nights. Yes, I enjoy the show. But really, it's also a chance for me to hang out with my friend Kristin and connect with her through this show. Yes, we're silly over our dedication to (some may obsession with) this show, but I wouldn't trade our connection over silliness for anything.

7. The Wizard of Oz and Singin' In the Rain. These two movies top my all-time favorites. On many a dark and broody day, these films never cease to make me feel better.

8. My Dance of Joy. I haven't danced my dance of joy recently. And not many people have seen this dance of joy. (Be grateful). But when I do dance this dance, it's nothing but pure joy.

Thanks for embracing the cheese.

Home Churches and Being at Rest

In the short time since my responsibilities at work changed, I grew accustomed to being busy.

There are some things we should just get used to. Leading a busy life shouldn't be one of them.

The ironic thing is, I led a devotion at work about staying still and the struggle not to be busy. As per usual, I struggled with the very thing I shared in front of a large group of people. I've got witnesses now.

Today is my Sunday morning "off"--meaning, I am not leading worship at my church this Sunday morning. I have no responsibilities. Last month, I was at such a loss at having nothing to do that I ended up doing something. This month, I was asked by my pastor to actually rest.

I realized that in order to do so, I would have to physically remove myself from my regular Sunday morning. And when I say "physically remove myself," I mean, I would have to leave town.

To many people, it may seem counterintuitive for me to go to my hometown in times of stress. But when times get really rough, I tend to travel north to my grandparent's home.

They are home to me.

And in a typical Abby-is-stressed-she's-escaping move, I headed to my hometown.

During my drive there, I got a few text messages that tempted me to come back and ignore this command to rest. But I had to keep going despite this deep desire to turn the car around and help where I was needed. That isn't exactly being still with God.

As much as I would miss my church family, I knew I couldn't rest with them this morning. Not yet. I hope I will someday. But for the time being, the temptation to maintain my usual busyness during my typical Sunday morning would be far too strong for me to overcome.

There was only one missing detail in my plan to rest. Although going to church isn't required to rest, I still wanted to go somewhere.

A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with a friend about home churches. And since I couldn't go to my home church where I grew up, I decided to go to visit his. I have my own memories of this particular church, and it wouldn't be the first time this church had served as a sanctuary for me.

I was a bit out of my element, but despite the fact that it was obvious that I was a first time visitor (that's another blog), the church members were very attentive and welcoming. I encountered God in a way that made me miss some of the traditions I had grown up with. I shared communion with a group of strangers that considered me family for that single moment. I met a few new people (yes, I gave them my real name). I drank a cup of extremely hot coffee in their quaint fellowship hall. One of them wanted to adopt me.

It reminded me of the better times at the church I had grown up in. It also reminded me of my current church family before I got used to my life of busyness.

By the time I drove home, I was at peace. Rested. Still. A little more connected than when I woke up. I remembered the God I had forgotten in my time of being busy.

So, thank you, Church in My Hometown that adopted me into their home this Sunday morning. You may not know it, but you helped me rediscover what I thought I had lost. Thank you for letting me rest.

And to my wonderful church family in Tacoma, I missed you this morning. It may take me awhile, but I will try not to let busyness get between us again.

Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in all the earth.

--LORD God to David. Psalm 46:10 (ESV)

I Wanna Put On My Boogie Shoes

My blogs have been full of deep thoughts as of late, so I decided to offer a lighter note.

It took me over a year, but for the little girl in me who adored the movie The Wizard of Oz in her formative years, I went outside of my typical conservative box...

...and finally bought a pair of red shoes.

I am not used to being silly over something like a pair of shoes, but sometimes you have to embrace the silliness. Thank you, once again, for indulging my inner child.

Blog title from "Boogie Shoes," KC & The Sunshine Band.

Name Calling

Yes, it's another pun. Really, I do hate puns.

Since Pastor Jon's sermon on the beautiful struggle of Jacob/Israel with God, I went on this obsessive research on anything about this particular story in the Bible. (No, I don't obsess much). Some commentators talked about the blessings of the limp, the beauty of struggle. Others talked about Jacob's character, God's strengthening of a boy who was yet to become a man. And others talked about the significance of the changing of names.

I do have a fascination with names. What they mean, how they were chosen, if it fits the person it was given to. I bought a baby name book once--a $4.00 find at Target--and combed through it to find the etymology of numerous names. I used that book when I used to write stories. I don't write stories any longer, and I have no idea where that book is now. (I must have misplaced it along the many moves between houses, dorms, and apartments). Yet, names still fascinate me.

Although this may seem to be another reason for me to bring up Rob Bell, I do want to share something from his offering on the Jacob/Israel story. It isn't anything new, but worth pondering:

In the ancient Near East your name was more than just words. Name was identity. Your name was reflective of your character, your substance, I mean the very fiber that made you, you. Your name told you who you are.

--Rob Bell, "Name"

Names brought a calling to your life. Rob Bell contends that during Jacob/Israel's time, when someone asked you "What is your name?" they are essentially asking you, "Who are you?"

What I love about the Jacob/Israel story was that he was given a new name. He was no longer the "deceiver," but "he who strives with God." He is a conqueror. He has become more than the name he has been given. He was called to something greater than that.

Now, I happen to like what my name means (source of joy). I often don't believe I live up to it, but it's a comfort to know that I am not limited or defined by my name. I am called to something more.

And you shall be called by a new name that the mouth of the LORD will give...

--Isaiah, about Jerusalem/Zion, Isaiah 62:3 (ESV)

Answering the question "What is your name?" is easier than providing an explanation of "Who are you?" However, I am learning to love this process of finding out the answer to that question. I've provided many answers to that question. Some answers I've liked, some I wish I never had been, some I have yet to become. Our answers can change because we change.

We are more than the names we have been called.