Sigh. The bitterness will go away soon, I'm sure of it.
All right, back to the inner workings of my brain.
O Lord, the king rejoices in your strength. How great is his joy in the victories you give! You have granted him the desire of his heart and have not withheld the request of his lips.
--David, Psalm 21:1-2
When you ask, you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives that you may spend what you get on your own pleasures.
--James, James 4:3
Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
--the Beloved, Song of Songs 2:7
It is no secret what big hope I have in my heart. It is a huge desire that I hope that God will grant some day. Of course we want to be in that place where God will pour out his blessings upon us--where we become like the king in the first verse where everything we ask for is granted. We spend our lives trying to ensure blessings come with the least amount of effort or pain. And in our efforts to remain perfect and without pain, we forget that we are not our own masters of our universe. All of the strength, beauty, power, wisdom and independence that could make us great is humbly contained under the authority of our loving Lord God.
At the times we feel like when we don't receive the blessings we had hoped for, the phrase, "God has something better planned," comes up often. There is nothing wrong with that phrase, there is truth in that.
The harsh reality of it is, sometimes we are not ready for the things we want.
Israel begged for a king. God was already their King, but he knew what they truly desired. God, in his infinite wisdom, gave them Saul. Israel was not ready for Saul. Saul was not ready for Israel.
Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
I don't think we'll ever know if we're ready for what our hearts hope for. But I suppose that isn't the point. God is everything we could ever ask for and he already is everything our hearts desire.
Even if we can't see it.
But what I will choose to remember is that God is always at work for the good of those who love him. In Israel's story, God also gave them David. And David was the picture of what was to come, the picture of the King they truly needed.
Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
I used to hate that verse. But looking at it now, I know it's not a threat. It's not an admonishment for wanting a King when we already have one. It's not even a discpline to make sure we are perfect and without pain.
It is a promise of something more than we can ask or imagine.
The question is, am I ready?
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