The Foreign Concept of Being Present

Is it bad luck to talk about 2008 on the first day of 2009?

Apparently, I have been part of a lot of conversations concerning luck. I don't think I have bad luck, but I don't have fantastic luck either. Oh well. Enough of that sidenote.

My 2008 ended pretty much the way that it began--very surreal moments. Everything is pretty much fine now--thank God!--but I found myself in deep thought over the randomness that is my family dynamic.

I was able to connect with my grandmother (although it was only for a brief moment) and I was able to communicate with my grandfather in a slightly authoritative way that is otherwise unheard of in my family. What Grandpa says is law. But not this New Year's Eve.

I won't shout this minor accomplishment on the rooftops because to get my grandpa to listen, I had to admit this humble gem:

Me: Look. I'm as stubborn as you are.
Grandpa: You're right. You might be worse.
Me: That's probably true. Which means, in this conversation, I'm going to win.

Although I was glad to help my grandparents communicate and finally relate, I found myself diving into the family role that I had long avoided since I left for college. It was different this time. Maybe it was because I wasn't doing the hard work, God was. If only I could remember this in the future, maybe the role of Mediator/Peacekeeper won't be so bad this time around.

My grandparents have a hard time expressing affection for one another to each other. (Sorry for the weird sentence syntax on that one. You might have to read that twice). As I interpreted for them, I witnessed something very sweet:

My grandparents cannot bear the thought of being apart.

I suppose that is why people say that you "just know" when it comes to finding "the One." I am still on the fence the idea of "the One," but I when I observe the marriages of those around me, I realize a common thread:

You're better when you are together.

As I stared at this beautiful--although at times emotionally constipated--couple, I wondered if someone would want to be in my company for the sake of...being in my company. I am so used to people needing, wanting, asking, demanding things from me to do, to be, to fix, to keep together, to create, to handle. It is a foreign concept for me to think about being in a relationship where the mere presence of the person you love is what you desire most.

You just feel better when you're together.

However foreign the concept of presence is to me, it is that very deep connection that I have hope for in my heart.